


the one where tony and stephen should really stop eye-fucking each other, hello, thanos is coming?!

by graveltotempo



Series: The 'playboy' in 'genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist' is NOT silent [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Battle of Titan (Marvel), Battle of Wakanda (Avengers: Infinity War), Carol Danvers & Tony Stark Friendship, Civil War Team Iron Man, Crack Treated Seriously, Getting Back Together, I made it better, Kissing, Light Angst, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, M/M, NO WANDAVISION ALLOWED!!!, Nebula & Tony Stark Friendship, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Not Steve Rogers Friendly, Petty Tony Stark, Sweet Vision (Marvel), Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark is Vision's Father, Tony is a sexy single mother, fuck infinity war, jealousy? more likely than you think, not team Cap friendly, not wanda maximoff friendly, steve and the depression beard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:41:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 33,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27367477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/graveltotempo/pseuds/graveltotempo
Summary: The Universe is about to end. Thanos is the formidable foe Tony has been worrying about since the Battle of New York and he's finally coming. That's what Tony is worrying about.Or should he be worrying about.But then again who thought throwing him in space with his ex boyfriend was in any way a good idea?
Relationships: Past Tony Stark/Stephen Strange, Tony Stark/Stephen Strange, past Steve Rogers/Tony Stark - Relationship
Series: The 'playboy' in 'genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist' is NOT silent [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1949524
Comments: 206
Kudos: 941
Collections: *Salty AF, Marvel





	1. It was supposed to be a day off

**Author's Note:**

> hey, you. this is a team tony fic. And steve is tony's ex boyfriend. You know exactly what's coming to Cap.
> 
> I understand Marvel made a choice with Infinity War but I think they're wrong

Stephen was having an okay day.

He had woken up with less pain than usual in his hands, and he had managed to make Wong laugh twice already. Everything was going pretty well, all things considered, which was  _ of course  _ why a familiar looking man had crash landed on top of the New York Sanctum and was rambling about someone called ‘Thanos’ who was ‘coming’.

Thankfully his medical instincts clicked back in as he watched the half naked man shake in the hole in the floor he had made in their Sanctum, and he was immediately moving.

“Cloak, get him up here. Wong-”

“On it,” said the other sorcerer, using magic to move them away from the stairs.

“Hello, I am Doctor Stephen Strange, the sorcerer supreme -” started Stephen, moving the man towards a couch with the help of the Cloak. 

The man looked pained and scared but he frowned for a second when he saw Stephen. “I know you. Or I knew  _ of  _ you.”

The sorcerer forced himself not to roll his eyes or drop him at that. It had been more than a year since his accident, but it was still annoying to have it spoken about. “Yeah, I was the doctor who lost-”

“You’re Tony’s ex boyfriend,” said the man and Stephen actually froze.

Fuck, it had been. It had been a very long time since someone had referred to him as ‘Tony Stark’s ex’. It had been a long time since he and Tony  _ were  _ dating each other, how could this man know?

At his expression - which must have been surprised? - the man gave him a wobbly smile. “I’m Dr Bruce Banner. The Hulk.”

Oh. That made a little more sense. And a little less, since, last he knew, the man had disappeared/died during the Ultron debacle. “One of the Avengers,” he finished, finally shaking himself out of his stupor and pulling him towards the couch.

“Your clothing,” said Wong, reappearing a few moments later with a glass of water in his hands. “And then you can tell us why and how exactly you crash landed in our Sanctum with the Bifrost.”

The pained expression on Dr Banner returned, but he didn’t say anything for a second, accepting what Wong was offering. 

Stephen would have liked to say that he was fully professional and understanding of what danger Banner must be speaking of, but the moment the scientist was dressed, Stephen’s eyes were drawn on the blazer shirt combination he was wearing.

He was honestly not one for tabloid gossip or someone who cared about the Avengers (shut up Wong, his interest in the Stark-Rogers divorce was purely scientific) but he would hazard to guess that only one of them would walk around wearing that particular type of clothing.

“Why are you wearing Tony’s clothing?” escaped his mouth before he could even think about it.

“ _ Tony _ ?” asked Wong with a frown, while Banner blinked at him in surprise.

“Oh, it was the only thing left in the Quinjet when I-” he stopped himself and shook his head. “Thanos. Thanos is a mad man, a Titan, who is hunting for the Infinity Stones. He wants to create ‘balance’ in the Universe, and to do that, he wants to find all of them and then he will snap his fingers and half of the population in the entire Galaxies will disappear.” He finished that with a grim look and then drank from his glass.

Stephen tried to exchange a glance with Wong, but the man was still squinting at him in suspicion. “Well, that’s horrifying,” he tried, but Wong wasn’t willing to play ball.

“ _ Tony _ ?” he repeated, arms crossed.

“He just told you about a possible End of the World situation involving the Eye of Agamotto and that’s what you’re worried about?!” demanded the taller sorcerer, trying hard not to blush under his assessing gaze.

It didn’t work, and a look of realisation came over him. “ _ Stark _ ?! Tony  _ Stark _ ?  _ You  _ dated  _ Tony Stark _ ?!” and then he burst into laughter.

Stephen crossed his arms, a little offended. “No need to sound so surprised. It was a long time ago.”

“They broke up in 2010,” informed them Banner, earning a scowl from Strange. He quickly picked up his glass of water again. “Just saying,”

Wong was still trying to stifle his giggling. “Okay, okay. Moving aside from the fact that somehow Strange managed to land  _ Tony Stark _ ,”

“Hey!”

“And back to the end of the world coming up.” Well that sobered everyone pretty quickly. “What do we do?”

Banner finally put down his glass, and Stephen had a sudden bad feeling about this. “We need to call the Avengers.”

Oh no.

“We need to call Tony Stark.”

Fuck his life. 

All he wanted was a sandwich from the deli.

Wong, the asshole, started laughing again.

* * *

Tony had just finished a couple of laps with Pepper when an orange portal suddenly opened in the middle of Central Park.

Because his life had been going a little too well lately and the Universe must have decided that that could not stand.

“Tony Stark,” said a chubby man dressed in monk clothing as he stepped through said portal. “My name is Wong. I need you to come with me.”

Tony blinked at him for a couple of seconds, making sure Pepper was safely behind him. “I’m sorry, are you giving out tickets to something?”

“We need your help,” said this ‘Wong’ monk person. “The fate of the Universe is at stake.”

Yeah, no one liked it when Tony was happy and had fun. Still, despite the anxiety and fear, he couldn’t help but poke, “And who is ‘we’?”

Before Wong could say anything though, a new figure stepped through the portal. 

“Hey Tony,” said Bruce Banner, showing up for the first time since that disaster with Ultron in… wait was he wearing Tony’s clothes?

“Bruce,” he managed startled. He heard Pepper also greeting him, but all he could think about was how dejected his friend looked. “Are you okay?”

Bruce didn’t answer, instead coming forward and enveloping Tony into a hug.

Tony hugged him back, shocked and slightly terrified at the strength with which he was being hugged and then turned to Pepper. “Pep-”

“I’m gonna take the jet to Cali,” she agreed. Tony could kiss her, that’s why she was his best girl. “Nice to see you Mr Wong. Bruce.”

The scientist finally let go of Tony, though he kept a hand on his arm like the contact was the only thing giving him any sort of strength anymore. “You too, Pep.”

Then a second later, the pretty portal all but swallowed them whole, but the panic attack that had been building since Tony spotted it vanished when, instead of space, they found themselves into a cozy looking museum/house.

“We are we? Hogwarts?” he questioned, still holding Bruce’s hand.

Wong gave him a dry look - could he give any other type of look? So far all he had seen from the man was dry looks. “This is the New York Sanctum, where the Master of the Sanctum and Sorcerer Supreme now reside.”

Tony gave him an incredulous look. “Sorcerer Supreme?” he parroted. What kind of idiotic name -

“Yeah. Sorcerer Supreme,” said a  _ very  _ familiar voice. Tony felt his blood freeze and he turned around, eyes wide with shock and there he was. Looking like everything was fine, completely alive and not dead in the depths of Kathmandu and also… a little smug? Stephen fucking Strange. He smiled at Tony. “Hello, Tony.”

Tony let go of Bruce’s hand and started walking towards Stephen expression still battling between shock, irritation, disbelief and thankful. It was hard to believe. After all these years of Tony searching for him with no luck, Stephen just showed up like this? Was that a trick?

His smile got even softer when Tony stopped in front of him but immediately disappeared into shock when Tony raised a palm and slapped him across the face.  _ Hard. _

“What was that for?” demanded Strange, indignant.

“I had to make sure… but you’re real,” breathed Tony, putting two hands on his shoulders. “Holy shit, you’re real. I looked for you everywhere, I thought you were dead-”

Stephen had started mollifying again at the touch and then Tony slapped him across the face again. _Harder_ than before.

“Fuck!” swore the taller man, taking a step backward. “Why did you slap me again?!”

Now the only feeling left in Tony was irritation. And anger. A  _ lot  _ of anger. “I thought you were  _ dead _ ! What the fuck is  _ wrong  _ with you? I searched for you everywhere, last I saw you just fucking disappeared in the middle of Kathmandu and I couldn’t find you anywhere else!”

“You were keeping tabs on me?!”

“You were blowing all of your money on operation after operation and refusing to let me help! What if something happened?!”

“Oh because I’m just the lowly Stephen Strange and you’re the mighty Tony Stark who was going to save me from the world?”

“No, you asshat, because I care about you!”

“You do? I’m sorry, I didn’t realise that when I was in hospital trying to get better and you couldn’t even bother to fly to New York and see me!”

“I told you why I couldn’t stay!”

“I could have died in that accident! And I tell you I don’t wanna see you you  _ once  _ and you couldn’t-”

“My  _ kid died _ !” exploded Tony with a shrill scream. Stephen bit back the words he wanted to hurl at him, blinking. Tony was shaking slightly. “Sokovia fell out of the sky because of a murder bot of  _ my  _ making. And that murder bot killed  _ my kid _ , he killed Jarvis! And now -”

Tony didn’t finish what he wanted to say, suddenly two strong arms were wrapped around him and the smell he had thought gone forever, the scent of sandalwood and patchouli shaving cream, was grounding him.

“I’m sorry,” said Stephen. His face was half hidden in Tony’s hair. “I shouldn’t have said that, it was uncalled for.” 

“No,” managed to say Tony, even as he held himself tighter against his chest. “I shouldn’t have slapped you.”

A beat. “I’m not going to argue against that,” finally said Stephen and Tony let a little laugh at that before reluctantly letting him go.

Bruce was looking at him worried, while Wong had for some reason a pack of popcorn in his hands as he watched them.

“Seriously?” asked Stephen, glaring at him and not quite letting go of Tony.

Tony found that he didn’t mind it so much.

Wong just shrugged, unrepentant. “You were gonna get me a tuna melt earlier,” he pointed out, putting down the popcorn. “I got hungry.” Then he turned serious again. “Let’s talk about the end of the Universe as we know it.”

Oh, Tony liked this one. “Let’s,” he agreed, coming to stand next to Bruce again.

With a flourish of his hands, Wong made a ‘holograph’ of the Universe appear. “From the dawn of the universe, there was nothing. Then, boom! The Big Bang sent six elemental crystals, hurtling across the virgin universe. These Infinity Stones each control an essential aspect of existence.”

Now it was Stephen’s turn as he pointed at each of the stones in front of him. “Space. Reality. Power. Soul. Mind.” Then he touched his funky new necklace and a green stone appeared inside of it. “Time.”

Why was  _ he  _ walking around with an Infinity Stone? Tony bit back the comment and turned to Bruce. “You’ve seen him?”

The man shuddered. “Yeah, Thanos. He's a plague, Tony. He invades planets. He takes what he wants. He wipes out half the population. He sent Loki. The attack on New York. That's him.”

“So I was right,” said Tony, not above being a little bit petty.

Bruce stared at him in confusion, “What?”

“Nothing. Just remind me to tell everyone ‘I told you so’ if we manage to survive this. Actually,” he pulled out his phone. “FRI?”

“ _ Yes, Boss? _ ”

“Schedule a big serving of ‘I told you so’ for everyone who has called me paranoid since the Invasion. And a double dose for undead Fury who didn’t believe me when I said Loki sabotaged the Invasion.”

“That’s what you’re thinking about?” complained Bruce and Tony shrugged.

“There is nothing more important to me in life than proving myself smarter than the idiots who keep forgetting that I’m a genius.” Stephen rolled his eyes, and Tony turned serious again. “Okay. So, what’s our timeline?”

Bruce turned sober again. “No telling. He has the Power and Space Stones, that already makes him the strongest creature in the whole universe. If he gets his hands, on all six Stones, Tony…”

“He can destroy life on a scale hitherto undreamt of,” finished Stephen, looking a little glum.

Which was terrible of course but, “Did you seriously just say _"hitherto undreamt of"_?” he asked, leaning on one of their witchy cauldrons.

The other gave him a look. “Are you seriously leaning on the Cauldron of the Cosmos?”

In his defence, Tony hadn’t known  _ what  _ it was. However, even before he could move away from it, Stephen’s  _ cloak moved by itself  _ and smacked his arm. 

There was a second in which Tony just stared at the offending garment both offended and confused before he straightened himself up. “I'm going to allow that.” He focused back on his ex boyfriend. “If Thanos needs all six, why don't we just stick this one down the garbage disposal?”

In his usual annoying manner, Stephen shook his head. “No can do,” he said, and how exactly had Tony missed him? He was as annoying as his  _ other  _ ex.

Wong clarified, “We swore an oath to protect the Time Stone. With our lives.”

_ What kind of mess did Stephen land himself in?  _ Couldn’t help but think Tony. At first he had thought he joined a mystical monastery, but monastery were all about preserving life. Not stones.

“And I swore off dairy, but then, Ben & Jerry's named a flavor after me, so…” he said, mindlessly, now mostly studying Wong. Had he somewhat managed to lure in Stephen with some sort of wily sexy moves? Was he his ex’s new boyfriend?

“Stark Raving Hazelnuts,” remembered Stephen and Tony blinked at him. The taller man quickly avoided his gaze, and was that a blush on his cheeks? 

“It's not bad,” he said, now studying Stephen  _ very  _ carefully.

The now magician noticed and went back to being the irritating piece of shit Tony remembered. “A bit chalky.”

Wong shrugged. “A Hunka-Hulka Burning Fudge is our favorite,” he said. ‘ _Our_ ’? Was he stating that he had claimed him? Was this a way to say they were together now?

Bruce looked adorably confused, and god, had Tony missed him. “That's a thing?”

“Whatever. Point is: things change,” said Tony, doing his best not to eye Wong.

It was Stephen who spoke. “Our oath to protect the Time Stone cannot change. This Stone may be the best chance we have against Thanos,” he said seriously.

Tony had seen him serious a lot of times, but he seemed… different now. Calmer? More imposing? Somehow?

Maybe it was the heart growing fonder with time and distance, but Tony couldn’t help but think he looked very much hotter too.

He kept his libido in check, though, because the fate of the world was at stake here. “And still conversely, it may also be his best chance against us.”

“Well, if we don't do our jobs.”

_ Our jobs?  _ Last time Stephen had left  _ because  _ of Tony’s job. He couldn’t quite let the acid at bay when he said, “What is your job exactly, besides making balloon animals?”

Stephen remained annoyingly and sexily calm. “Protecting your reality, douchebag,” He said, his blue eyes trained on Tony’s.

Demanding, strong willed, almost authorative...

_ You cannot fuck your ex before the end of the world, you cannot fuck your ex before the end of the world. _

“Okay, guys, could we table this discussion right now?” thankfully interrupted Bruce. Because Tony was really  _ not  _ known for his self control. “The fact is that we have this Stone. We know where it is. Vision is out there somewhere with the Mind Stone, and we have to find him now.”

Well, wasn’t that fun. “Yeah, that's the... thing.” He didn’t quite look at Bruce this time.

Bruce frowned. “What do you mean?”

Tony sighed. He really didn’t want to have this discussion with Vision’s theoretical step dad. “Two weeks ago, Vision turned off his transponder. He's offline.” Bruce opened his mouth to say something more, but Tony interrupted him. “Look, he ran away from home, okay? This couple of years have been hard for him and well, I guess I didn’t do as well as I could as a single parent.”

Stephen looked a little pained, which Tony noted down in his head immediately. “Who could find Vision, then?” 

_ Oh good grace.  _ “Shit,” he muttered. Of all the people he did not want to bring up in front of this particular trio… “Probably Steve Rogers.”

“Oh, great,” said Stephen, exasperated already, and had Tony not been  _ very  _ annoyed by this sudden turn of events he’d have analysed the shit out of the situation.

“It’s a maybe. But…” 

Bruce was clearly confused. “Call him.”

Like it was that easy. “It’s not that simple.” He huffed. “The Avengers broke up.”

The other man looked even more confused. “Broke up? Like a band? Like The Beatles?”

The genius elected to ignore some of that sentence. “Cap and I fell out  _ hard.  _ Teams were chosen, a metaphorical and a real divorce happened and now we’re not on speaking terms.” Tony very carefully did not look at Stephen at this part, but he did see that Wong was eating popcorn again.

Bruce took his attention again. “Tony, listen to me. Thor's gone.” What? “Thanos is coming. It doesn't matter who you're talking to or not.”

Which was simply  _ rude. _

_ He  _ wasn’t there. He didn’t even know why they divorced, honestly he should -

He felt Stephen’s hand on his shoulder and he looked up at the man. He looked a little uncomfortable, but he kept his eyes fixed on Tony. “Fate of the Universe, Tony.” He reminded him. He paused. “And  _ you  _ don’t have to be the one to call him.”

Tony looked away from Stephen’s face to his scarred hand. Then he nodded. “Yeah,” he agreed, finally unearthing the monstrous flip phone from his pocket that he had taken to wearing around ever since Vision had gone off in his love rendezvous. 

God, if they won against Thanos and Vision managed to stay safe Tony would ground him for the rest of his _life_.

“It’s the only number on the phone,” he said, handing it over to Bruce who looked reproaching but accepted it nevertheless. Then he turned back to Stephen, staring at the man intensely.

“What?” asked the man after a couple of seconds, cheeks reddening a little.

Tony blinked. “Say, doc. You wouldn’t happen to be moving your hair, would you?”


	2. squidward versus ironstrange

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **tony & stephen**: flirting  
>  **also tony & stephen**: bickering  
>  **also tony & stephen**: can you stop flirting and bickering with me, this is the end of the world!  
>  **peter & the cloak**: wtf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, i'll be honest. I dont know what I'm doing. All I know is that I literally have Infinity War in my laptop and I was following the movie as I wrote some of the dialogue because I like crack but I also like consistency. Though I also completely changed a bunch of stuff because fuck Marvel am I right?

When they got out of the Sanctum and on the road, there was chaos everywhere. 

People were screaming and running an a layer of chaos and smog was filling the air. Which wasn’t that strange for New York, of course, but coupled with the people trying to flee made a strangely apocalyptical image.

No one was stopping to explain anything and even those who fell on the ground or crashed their cars in poles were quick to stand up again and run away. It reminded him of the New York Invasion in all the worst ways.

“FRIDAY, what am I looking at?” He asked, pressing his glasses.

His youngest AI yet came to life immediately. “ _ Not sure, I'm working on it _ .”

Meaning ‘something wicked this way comes’. And considering what Bruce had just been trying to tell them...

“Stephen!” he called, turning around but not stopping in his strides. “You might wanna put that Time Stone in your back pocket for now!”

Like the stubborn mule he was, the other man kept walking behind him, now with some red flaming circles around his forearms. “Might wanna use it,” He answered.

Tony bit back what he wanted to say to  _ that  _ and approached the intersection. And there in the sky... a black flying donut ship. It was kicking up a lot of dust as it came to a stop in the middle of Bleeker Street, but it seemed like the majority of New Yorkers were smart enough to have fled the place already.

Still, better safe than sorry. “FRIDAY, evac anyone south of 43rd Street, notify first responders.”

“ _ Will do _ ,”

Suddenly Stephen started to make his strange hieroglyphics in the air and the dust cleared up like it had been recalled by an invisible vacuum. Which was honestly infuriating, did Tony ever say how much magic annoyed him?

Stephen met his eye and then proceeded to wink at him.

Well, then again, magic was convenient and Tony had always been a slut for convenience and competence, and it looked like Stephen still had both in a healthy dose.

_ Nu-uh, Tony.  _ _ Ex _ _ boyfriend. End of the world. Focus up! _

Thankfully - ? - that’s when the evil aliens decided it was time to descend from their evil donut in a cascade of blue light. One of them looked a little bit like a squid with grey/purple skin, and the other was... uh, big. Like a gladiator big and mean.

The squid spoke first, his tone of voice alone telling Tony that he must be a villain. Honestly with that vocabulary and that voice colour, there wasn’t anything else he could have been. “Hear me, and rejoice. You are about to die at the hands of the Children of Thanos. Be thankful, that your meaningless lives are now contributing to-”

Yeah, Tony wasn’t about to sit and listen to Squidward of all people telling them they were going to die. “I'm sorry, Earth is closed today. You better pack it up and get outta here!” He shouted at them, immensely satisfied at the hint of annoyance seeping in the alien's face.

But like the impolite villain he was, he didn’t answer Tony, instead turning to face Stephen. “Stonekeeper,” he said, vaguely gesturing towards Tony. "Does this chattering animal speak for you?”

_ CHATTERING ANIMAL? _ Oh just for that Tony was going to make sure he died _first_.

And Stephen didn’t even try to defend his honour. “Certainly not. I speak for myself.” Which why would he? Just because he winked at Tony earlier and Tony couldn’t stop thinking about how hotter Stephen looked it didn’t change the fact that they broke up like 8 years ago. 

He needed to focus, and Stephen was still speaking. “But you’re trespassing in this city and on this planet.” He said, making the glowing circles appear again.

“It means get lost, Squidward!” added Tony for emphasis.

Which made Squidward even more annoyed. “He exhausts me.” 

Point for Tony!

The big gladiator made some weird noises - and how come they could understand Squidward? He did not look Asgardian, so All Speak was out of it. Think of it, did all aliens just speak English? He needed to quiz someone on this soon - and Squidward spoke up again. “Bring me the Stone.”

Big Gladiator made some other noises and then dropped his huge alien hammer - oh the jokes just wrote themselves - and dragged it onto the ground as he approached them slowly like a predator.

Tony cringed slightly at the property damage before turning to Bruce. “Banner, you want a piece?”

Bruce made a face at him. “No, not really, but when do I ever get what I want?”

“That's right.” And well, Tony would feel bad but then again didn’t Bruce try to make him  _ call  _ Rogers of all people! This was karma.

And then Tony had to watch a little embarrassed as Bruce tried to turn green and the only thing that did was his neck.

At least the scientist looked a little embarrassed himself. “I just... I need to concentrate here for one second. Come on, come on, man.”

“Where's your guy?” he asked, watching again as Bruce tried and failed.

Bruce shook his head, pushing like he was on the toilet trying to take a shit. “I don't know. We've sort been havin' a thing.”

“A thing?” he asked, watching Big Gladiator approaching. “There's no time for a thing.”

“I know-”

Tony pointed at the approaching Big Gladiator. “That's the thing right there. Let's go.”

Bruce gave a loud grunt that would rival a pregnant woman in a maternity ward, but nothing happened. And Stephen and Wong were both watching them in disbelief their cool magic tricks on their arms already.

Tony glanced at the doctor and got closer to Bruce. “Dude, you're embarrassing me in front of my ex-boyfriend and his possible new boyfriend.” He whispered.

And maybe he went a little far or something cause Bruce looked near tears. “Tony, I'm sorry,” he said, stammering. “Either I can't or he won't-”

Any joke he might have had about performance issues disappeared in the face of his friend’s obvious distress. “It's okay. Hey, stand down.” He assured, and then gently pushed towards Wong. “Keep an eye on him. Thank you.”

The man simply nodded. “I have him.”

He barely heard Bruce muttering ‘damn it’ behind him as he turned once more towards Big Gladiator. Before the man approached them, Tony pulled on his under suit and tapped his Arc Reactor, letting his crowning jewel, the Bleeding Edge suit crawl all over him through nanotech in three steps flat. He formed a shield just as Big Gladiator tried to axe him to death and then grew a set of blasters to shoot him away from Tony.

Okay, maybe he was showing off a little. And considering the way both of Stephen’s eyebrows were raised in surprise, he was doing something right.

Bruce wasn’t quiet in his admiration. “Where'd that come from?”

Tony grinned behind his mask. “It's nano-tech. You like it? A little someth-”

And then he was being attacked by Squidward which was just  _ rude _ . Didn’t he see that Tony was enticing men left and right with his sexy new suit? This utter disrespect was just uncalled for.

He barely saw Stephen doing something with his hands that _disappeared_ Bruce into nothingness before he was back into the fight, dodging a car thrown to him by Squidward and throwing it back to him.

As long as his attention was on Tony, he’d be fine, more or less. And yes, despite certain... carnal desires, he was  _ totally over  _ Stephen Strange. The fact that he didn’t want him dead didn’t mean that there was anything other than physical attraction left there. All men did was disappoint him.

So him moving closer to Stephen and having his back meant absolutely nothing. “Stephen, you need to get that stone out of here. Now.”

Stephen’s expression was steely when he turned to Tony. “It stays with me,” he said.

Any other time Tony would have been very turned on by the assertive tone of voice.

This time he simply nodded, hoping that Stephen understood him clearly when he said, “Exactly. Bye.” Then he shoot up towards the neat obstacle course Squidward had set out for him before being very rudely thrown out of the way by the Big Gladiator who  _ of course  _ was still alive and ending crashing through a wall and into the trees of Central Park.

Fuck aliens man. And not in the fun way.

“Tony, you okay?” called Bruce, appearing in his field of vision. Oh good, Stephen hadn’t disappeared him. Just put him away from harms way. “How we doing? Good? Bad?”

What kind of question was that?! “Really, really good. Really good. Do you plan on helping out?” he half asked half demanded and Bruce looked dejected once more.

“I'm trying. He won't come out.”

So many jokes. So many jokes that he couldn’t make because aliens were fighting them and now there was a hammer being thrown at them -

“Hammer!” he shouted, pushing Bruce out of the way and deflecting the Big Gladiator’s shield.

He tried to attack once more, but apparently the Gladiator  _ did  _ have some brains, because he saw him coming and threw him on the ground, before trying to hammer him further into the ground.

And then the spiderling was there, holding the hammer away from Tony’s breakable body with his hands alone.

“Hey, man. What's up, Mr. Stark?”

Oh for the love of god. “Kid, where'd you come from?!”

Pete shrugged. “Field trip to MoMAAAH,” he shouted as he was thrown away by Big Gladiator.

Not that he went far, he was Peter. No matter how many times Tony child proofed his house and the Compound, the guy found a way inside.

“What is this guy's problem, Mr. Stark?” 

Such a long story. Sure, he could tell him about Thanos and the Infinity Stones, but the sum of it was that, “He's from space. He came here to steal a necklace from a wizard.”

Peter nodded like it all made sense and joined the fight.

They were in the middle of fighting Big Gladiator together when he saw Cloak flying away with Stephen. For a second Tony had the very unpleasant thought that Stephen was dead. But then he saw him breathing and the ugly scowl on Squidward’s face and pushed away that fear.

“Kid, that's the wizard. Get on it.”

Peter swung towards him. “On it!”

It had seemed like a good idea, and yet less than a minute later Peter’s voice came though the comms. “Uhhh, Mr. Stark? I'm being beamed up!”

Nu uh. No one took his kid  _ and  _ his ex from him. “Hang on, kid!” he shouted, trying to free himself from Big Gladiator’s hammer of doom. If it wasn’t being so troublesome Tony would seriously have to wonder  _ what  _ it was made of because it was very cool.

And then there was a bit of magic thingy and suddenly Big Gladiator fell into a portal and the only thing to make it out was his hand.

Tony nodded to Wong. “Thank you.” The other just nodded and Tony flew towards the large ship. “Give me a little juice, FRI.”

He could see Peter now, still holding onto the ship as it flew out of the Earth’s atmosphere. “FRIDAY, unlock 17-A. Pete, you gotta let go. I'm gonna catch you!”

“But you said save the wizard!” answered the teen. Why was everyone except him so incredibly stubborn?! Everyone should shut up and listen to Tony all the time. “I can't breathe!”

His irritation gave way to worry because  _ damn it,  _ that was his kid. “You're too high up. You're running out of air.” He said, trying to reign the panic he felt as he watched Peter swaying a little.

“Yeah! That makes sense,” managed the boy and then he fell. Tony didn’t have time to have a PTSD induced hallucination about Rhodey before the pod reached him and attached itself to him, becoming the new and improved Iron Spider suit.

Peter straightened himself and landed on his feet on the bottom of the ship. “Mr. Stark, it smells like a new car in here!”

Tony smiled a little. And Peter was safe now, which meant focus on saving Stephen then possibly slap him again. “Happy trails, kid. FRIDAY, send him home.”

“ _Yep_ ,”

Tony watched the parachute appear and throw Peter back towards Earth, and couldn’t help a snort when he heard him shout, “OH, COME ON!”

And then he was finally in the ship.

+++

Pain was an old friend, sure. But at least with Dormammu it was one single very painful experience. Even the pain in his hands was somewhat preferable to what he was experiencing right now, floating on a ship in space surrounded by glass needles. The lack of hygiene alone was enough to make him cringe.

Hell, it wasn’t even the physical pain. Just hearing the alien in front of him speak hurt his brain.

“In all the time I've served Thanos, I've never failed him,” was saying the alien again. Seriously, did he _ever_ get tired of talking? “If I were to reach our rendezvous on Titan with the Time Stone still attached to your vaguely irritating person, there would be... judgement.” He clenched his teeth at the pain of the needles touching his skin. “Give me... the stone.”

At the very least he knew that the Cloak of Levitation was somewhere on the ship. Wong wouldn’t be there, he wouldn’t be stupid enough to leave the Sanctum unsupervised; no matter how many rules they had broken between the two of them, that was one that they wouldn’t break.

He was half unconscious when he had been dragged on the ship, so he had no idea where Tony was or if he was still-

Let’s not. Tony was alive. Tony was fine. 

The pain snapped his back out of his thoughts to the alien who was torturing him. “Painful aren't they? They were originally designed for microsurgery. And any one of them...”

Stephen would have liked to ask the alien about what kind of microsurgery space liked doing, but then there was a thump behind them and Tony was standing there, in full Iron Man suit, repulsor ready to fire.

Good god, Stephen had never really cared about the design of Tony’s suits but had they always been so form fitting? Earlier watching it crawl all over him... it got him a little bothered under the cloak, not going to lie.

“... Could end your friend's life in an instant.” finished the alien, steadying himself.

Tony didn’t move an inch. “I gotta tell you, he's not really my friend. Saving his life is more a professional courtesy.”

Never mind, fuck him.

Squidward moved towards Tony, pulling up two weird metal objects towards him. “You've saved nothing. Your powers are inconsequential compared to mine.”

“Yeah, but the kid's seen more movies.” 

Stephen didn’t even have time to wonder  _ what  _ kid, before Tony was blasting the side of the ship sending the alien out in space in an instant. Unfortunately for all involved, Stephen was also pulled away by the sudden depressurization and pulled straight towards the hole.

Then with a collaboration between Spider Man - who had legs in his suit?! - the Cloak and Tony he was pulled back, and the hole was fixed in moments by Tony himself.

The man was back to Stephen in seconds, his suit automatically disappearing - how much Stephen hated himself for still finding the whole thing very erotic - as he stepped towards him, and Stephen cleared his throat - and thoughts. “We’ve got to turn this ship around.”

Tony scoffed, stopping beside him. “Oh so  _ now  _ you want to go back. Even though I tried to get you to leave earlier! Now you want to run!”

How had Stephen so quickly forgotten how irritating this man could be? “No,” he said, forcing himself to keep calm. “I want to protect the stone.”

“Oh, you do?” said Tony, condescendingly. “Well maybe you should have listened to me! And you know what I want? I want you to thank me now. Go ahead, I'm listening.”

“For what? Nearly blasting me into space?” Demanded Stephen a step away from crossing his arms like a petulant child.

Tony had no such qualms. “Who just saved your magical ass? Me.”

_ The nerve.  _ “I seriously don't know how you fit your head into that helmet.”

The shorter man smirked at him and came to stand even closer to him. “Admit it. You should have ducked out when I told you to. I tried to bench you. You refused.”

“I don’t work for you.”

“Don’t I know it!” scoffed Tony. “If you did, you’d  _ listen  _ and we wouldn’t be in a flying donut billions of miles away from Earth with no backup!”

Spider Man’s voice tried to cut through their argument, but they were too into it.

“I didn’t ask you to come after me!”

“And let you die?!”

“I didn’t know you cared!”

“Of course I care, you bitch! You know damn well I’ve always cared about you!”

“You certainly don’t act like you do!”

“Me? Aren’t you the one always so fucking desperate to prove you can do anything alone?”

“Hello pot!”

“What is your  _ problem _ ?”

“You’re insufferable, that’s my problem!”

“And you’re ann-”

Stephen wasn’t quite sure what happened next. One second they were shouting at each other and the next he grabbed Tony’s face in his hands and was pressing his lips against his in a hard kiss. 

Probably because it was the only way he had ever figured how to shut him up. Honestly, it must have instincts and muscle memory or something. Yeah, 8 years old muscle memory, he was a doctor, trust him. It existed.

“What the f-” said Spider Man, and suddenly Stephen recalled they had an audience.

He let go of Tony’s face and watched the man stumble a little and then stare at him wide eyed. His cheeks were a little pink and his lips shiny and didn’t Stephen have very good self control? They were in space and probably about to die either there or by the hand - or gauntlet - of a genocidal maniac. No time for kissing.

Tony swallowed, a hand on his lips. He then pointed a finger at Stephen. “Don’t do that again. I don’t want to kiss you.”

_ And yet you kissed me back _ , wanted to say Stephen, but he didn’t. See? Self control.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kisses! I have no idea of a writing schedule is! I think this story should have ten chapters but I am not good at maths so dont be surprised if its less or if its suddenly more!
> 
> At the very least I'll try updating on saturdays, whether that will stick or not, well that's up to yew! im a slut for attention and comments so pls give me attention and comments


	3. alexa play sexy back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **stephen** : exists  
>  **tony** : YOU FUCKING WHORE! ABSOLUTE SLUT! CAN'T YOU SEE THE WORLD IS ABOUT TO END, CAN YOU STOP FLIRTING WITH ME? I WILL NOT FALL FOR YOUR SEDUCTION TACTICS! NOT TODAY DEMON!  
>  **stephen** : confused, angry and a little turned on 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me changing part of the dialogue that i didn't like: artistic license

Peter was looking at him questioningly as Tony came to stand beside, keeping distance between himself and Stephen, but Tony didn't tell him anything. This was not the time for kissing. Or thinking about kissing. Or remembering the kissing.

This was a kiss free zone. No thinking of kissing would be condoned.

Stephen should not have kissed him. What the hell was he thinking? It was inappropriate, thoughtless, and -

Oh who was he kidding. He fucking kissed Stephen back.

He cleared his throat. “Okay, so no, I cannot turn this ship back and I personally don’t think we should.”

Stephen licked his lips and how  _ dare  _ he flirt with Tony on a quest to save the Universe? He needed to be put away forever. “We cannot bring the Time Stone to Thanos.” said Stephen, voice firm. “I don't think you quite understand what's-”

Tony took a step towards him, suddenly incensed again. “No. It's you who doesn't understand, that Thanos has been inside my head for six years since he sent an army to New York and now he's back! And I don't know what to do. Okay? I’ve been seeing this fucking,” he let out a breath and put both hands in his hair for a second. “You saw what they can do, and that was just two of them. That was not the Chitauri. And I don’t think it’s a good idea to fight them on our turf. At least on his turf, he's not expecting it. We have a chance. Stephen, we just can’t, I can’t-”

Stephen was in front of him again, both hands on Tony’s cheeks and his forehead pressed on his. How did he manage to get so close to Tony so quickly? If he still had FRIDAY with him -

“Breathe.”

Tony let out a breath, and didn’t immediately disentangle himself from Stephen. He looked up at those grey eyes and hoped the other man wouldn't fight him on this. “So I say we take the fight to him. Doctor. Do you concur?”

Stephen’s eyes assessed him for a couple more seconds before he let go. No, Tony wasn’t disappointed that there was no other attempt at kissing him. “Alright, Tony. We go to him. But you have to understand... the fate of the Universe depends on this stone.”

His words weren’t stated out loud, but Tony had been doing the superheroing gig for a while. The stone came first. Over anyone’s life.

_ Except Peter’s _ , but Tony didn’t say that out loud. “Nice. Good. We're straight.” Ah. Pun not intended. 

Then he quickly walked back towards the kid and pulled him aside, making sure there was plenty of space left between the two of them, lest Stephen got any other ideas like  _ kissing _ or something. 

“Mr Stark, who  _ is  _ he?” asked Peter the moment the man moved away.

His mask was off, and Tony would like to scold him for that, but he was pretty sure Peter learnt by example or something, and was simply imitating him.

“Just a guy. Random. A wizard,” he said shrugging.

Peter did not look the slightest bit convinced. “You kissed.”

“Aht aht! That’s not what happened! He,” he said, pointing at where Stephen was standing on the other side of the ship, watching the vastness of space from a window, “He  _ attacked  _ me. With his lips.”

“Mr Stark, I’m seventeen. I know what a kiss looks like and I was close enough to see you kiss him back,” informed him the kid.

“How very much  _ dare  _ you, Mr Parker,” managed Tony, crossing his arms around his chest. “I didn’t kiss him back. I would never kiss him back. He’s…” He turned around to glare in Stephen’s direction, but the man was now standing once more without his cloak and had pulled up the sleeves of his shirt, _stretching_. “How  _ dare  _ he.”

“Mr Stark?”

Tony should probably look  _ away  _ from him but it was very hard. He didn’t recall how people turned their heads anymore. “Uh?”

“You were saying something about how you didn’t kiss him back?”

“Right,” he commented, watching the small stretches Stephen was doing to the side. It was dark and he was pretty far, but Tony could see the way his muscles were  _ bulging _ at the movement. “I totally didn’t kiss him. Why would I? I wouldn’t want to do that.”

“I’m not sure I believe you.”

That did momentarily take Tony’s attention off of Stephen. “And I’m not sure I believe you! Earlier I cut myself off because we had to save him, but we are in a flying spaceship with nothing left to do so,” he crossed his arms around his chest, and Peter gulped nervously. “What the  _ hell  _ were you thinking!”

“I told you, I can’t help the neighbourhood if there is no neighbourhood!”

“The spaceship was  _ leaving  _ Earth! You didn’t even know what the aliens wanted or why they were after the wizard, you didn’t have all the information, what made you think-! And Banner was there! Do you think Doctor Banner would be standing there sunbathing if the fate of the world depended on him?” Technically he _had_ but Peter of course didn’t know that.

The boy squirmed, saying something under his breath and keeping his eyes on the ground.

“What?” snapped Tony.

But give him a break. His kid was on a spaceship with him, a spaceship he didn’t even know if he could pilot and there was a big chance of all of them drifting to death or crash landing in a sea of meteors or something. 

Peter finally looked up with the sorriest puppy eyes Tony had ever seen in his life. “I didn’t want to leave you alone.”

Tony blinked. “What?” he asked again, now more confused than annoyed.

“I didn’t want to leave you alone!” repeated Peter way louder than before. “Because last time, last time you told me ‘great job kid, go home’ even though the fighting wasn’t over and I listened to you and I went home and then you were in the hospital because you got jumped by the Winter Soldier and Captain America.”

Tony winced at the memory. “I didn’t get ‘jumped’-”

“And it was my fault!” World stop. What?! “You gave me one job: get his shield and secure them with my webs, and I couldn’t even do that! Instead Mr Rhodey got hurt and then-”

“Kid-”

“Black Widow betrayed you for Cap and let them leave and then you came home,  _ hurt _ -”

“Pete-”

“And I should have done more! I could have done more, and just like my uncle-!”

Tony had heard enough. In one long stride he was in front of Peter, both arms wrapped around him and cradling his face to his chest. Thankfully the teenager wasn’t quite sobbing, just breathing hard.

“I thought we weren’t there yet,” mumbled the boy, still holding onto the fabric of his jumper with a fist.

Tony ignored that. “Pete, I thought we straightened that up before. It was  _ not  _ your fault that my ex husband was a dick.”

“But-”

“No buts.” He sighed, putting his chin on Peter’s head. “I know I’ve told you hundreds of times you should have not been in that fight, but that’s not because you did something wrong. It was because  _ I  _ did something wrong by recruiting you when you were 15. It’s because Rogers did something wrong by throwing that jet bridge at you. It’s because Roger’s team did something wrong by actively hitting us where it would hurt. Nothing to do with you.” He pulled himself off him and tried to pull Peter away so he could look at him properly. When the boy simply refused to let go of his waist, Tony put a hand on his cheek and forced him to look him in the eye. “I  _ am  _ proud of you. But Pete, you’re a kid. I’ve been doing the super-heroing gig for years now. I’ve battled aliens before. And no, alien tech is  _ not  _ the same.”

Peter pouted. “I know the risks."

"No, Peter, _I_ know the risks. And if I told you to go home it wasn’t because I don’t trust you to have my back, but it’s because I don’t trust everyone else to think twice because you’re a kid. Anything they could do to hurt me, they will and that includes hurting  _ you. _ And I guarantee you, anyone hurting you is a sure way of making me lose it.”

“Oh,” said Peter, seeming to finally get it.

“Yeah,  _ oh _ ,” agreed Tony, both fond and exasperated. “So next time I tell you to duck out?”

“I… duck out,” slowly said Peter, like he didn’t quite like saying this but he knew he didn’t really have a choice. 

Tony did not believe him one bit, but again. Baby steps. 

+++

Have you ever had a piece of clothing older than you just stand there and watch you judgmentally? Stephen had. Not recommended.

“I’ve told you,” he huffed, rolling his shoulders a couple of times. “It was the only way to make him shut up.”

The cloak did a very good impression of squinting suspiciously for something that did not even have eyes. It was honestly freaky and made Stephen want to confess to sins he hadn't committed, but thankfully that’s when he heard Spider Man’s voice.

“Hey, what's going on?”

He still wasn’t sure who the kid was, but it was a safe bet to say that he was something like Tony’s kid. He had seen them hugging earlier and Tony trying to calm him down or something. And the image of Tony as a dad was just -

“I think we're here,” he said, quickly abandoning that thought and moving to stop closer to them.

Tony glanced at him in suspicion, taking a step to the side. “I don't think this rig has a self-park function.” He finally said, watching the planet quickly approaching. He turned to Spider Man. “Peter, get your hand into this steering gimbal. Close those around it. You understand?”

Spider Man - Peter, nodded, moving. “Yep, got it.”

Tony put his suit back on. “This was meant for one big guy, so we gotta to move at the same time.”

“Okay. Okay. Ready.”

The ship started to gain momentum and head straight for a large structure on the sandy planet and Peter suited up too. “We might wanna turn. Turn! Turn! Turn!!”

Stephen found himself in the middle of them and threw up the Shields of Seraphine to try and soften the landing a little bit. It worked as in they didn’t end die, but the ship landed harshly anyway, losing a good chunk of itself to the floor.

Both he and Peter had managed to land on their feet, but Tony was on the ground panting with his helmet off. He looked a little in pain, and it was just because Stephen was a doctor that he immediately reached out for him, pulling him up to his feet until they were basically chest to chest.

It was innocent, no matter what the cloak seemed to think at his side. 

Or what Tony assumed, helmet disappearing but him falling into a fighting stance nonetheless. “Will you  _ stop  _ doing that?!”

Stephen gaped at him. “Helping you?”

“Don’t think I don’t see through your ruse!” snapped back Tony. “You keep trying to flirt and seduce me and I will  _ not  _ fall for it!”

“Sedu- you were on the ground! I helped you up!”

“First of all, who told you I wasn’t on the ground willingly? Second there was no need for you to pull me all the way up to your chest!”

“I  _ saw  _ you fall to the ground! And I was just-” well, he didn’t have an explanation for the getting all up and close with him but that meant nothing. There was no flirting. No seducing. “And anyway you kissed me back! I was just trying to shut you up!”

Tony actually looked offended at that. “I- how  _ dare  _ you throw such callous accusations!”

“I dare!”

“Let me just say, if aliens wind up implanting eggs in my chest or something, and I eat one of you, I'm sorry,” said Peter, appearing in their field of vision then.

Tony pointed an accusing finger at him this time. “I don't wanna hear another single pop culture out of you for the rest of the trip. You understand?”

“Hey don’t take it out on me!” complained the teen. “I'm trying to say that... something is coming.”

That’s exactly when a grenade rolled into view and all three of them were thrown back by a strange energy pulse.

A strange man ??? with weird tattoed red veins on his body shouted something and threw a blade at him, which Stephen neatly deflected with a shield, before sending the cloak at its face, smothering. There were two others with him, a man with a bug face/mask/helmet and someone he couldn't see from the distance.

Tony seemed to be handling bug face man alright, so he focused on the humanoid in the Cloak's grasp, trying not to feel offended and throw him in a Hell dimension when he heard him shout "Die, blanket of death!". He was the only one allowed to make fun of the Cloak, who did he think he was?

The skirmish did not last long and Tony was landing next to him moments later, his foot connecting with the humanoid while he turned to glare at bug man. 

Bug man who had Peter in his grasp, and was holding a gun to the teenager’s head which really did not sit right with him. And considering how tense Tony was, he wasn't alone in that.

“Alright, everybody, stay where you are... chill the F out,” Said the bug man, who then pulled off his helmet revealing… surprisingly human features. “I'm gonna ask you this one time. Where's Gamora?”

Tony took off his own helmet, and oh, he looked ~~sexy~~ pissed off. “Yeah, I'll do you one better. Who's Gamora?”

The being under Tony’s foot, now freed of the Cloak, glared. “I'll do you one better. Why is Gamora?”

The one with Peter in his grasp tightened his hold on the boy. “Tell me where the girl is, or I swear to you, I'm gonna French-fry this little freak.”

Yeah, Tony was mad. Stephen would know, last time he had seen Tony anywhere near that mad he had gotten slapped in the face. “Let's do it! You shoot my guy, I blast him. Let's go!” And holy shit where the hell did he get that cannon?! 

“Do it, Quill! I can take it,” said the humanoid.

The girl with the antennae that he hadn’t noticed till now spoke up, “No, he can't take it!”

Which yeah. “She's right. You can't.”

Quill did not seem to care. “Oh yeah? You don't wanna tell me where she is? That's fine. I'll kill all three of you and beat it out of Thanos myself.” He turned to Peter. “Starting with you.”

Did he just say -

“Wait, what. Thanos?” He shook his head once. “Alright, let me ask you this one time: What master do you serve?”

Quill looked at him like he was insane. “What master do I serve? What am I supposed to say? ' _Jesus_ '?”

Tony got it at the same time he did. “You're from Earth.”

“I'm not from Earth. I'm from Missouri.” Oh goodie. An idiot.

The Iron Man pilot seemed to think so too. “Yeah, that's on Earth, dip-shit. What are you bothering us for?”

“So, you're not with Thanos?” came Peter’s voice, a little out of breath.

“With Thanos?!” Quill sounded seriously offended. “No, I'm here to kill Thanos! He took my girl- Wai- who are you?”

Peter let his helmet come off. “We're the Avengers, man.”

The antennae girl lit up. “You're the ones Thor told us about!”

For reasons Stephen was not willing to think about, he didn’t like the way Tony’s eyes lit up for a second. “You know Thor!?”

Quill huffed. “Yeah. Tall guy, not that good-looking, needed saving.”

Now it was Tony’s turn to look at him like he was insane. “What are you talking about? Thor is hot as sin.”

“He-”

“Now’s not the time to think about hot guys,” huffed Stephen, irritated. “Where is he now?”

Finally Quill let go of Peter, who quickly moved beside Tony again. “Uh, a place called Nida-something? He needed a weapon to kill Thanos with and -”

Before he had even finished speaking, Tony had pushed Peter in Stephen’s direction and walked all the way up to Quill. Stephen was honestly quite disappointed that Tony didn’t slap him and just stood in front of him with a glare to end all glares.

“What kind of hero jumps into a place with absolutely no recon and attacks the first thing that moves?!” he demanded, angry. “What if we didn’t know Thor? Just because you don’t know us we deserved to die? You pointed a gun at a kid!”

“I’m not a kid...” complained Peter next to him, but not loud enough for Tony to hear.

Quill looked at him embarrassed. “Well, we haven’t really been doing this for a long time-”

“I don’t care! You don’t shoot first, you  _ always  _ observe enough to find out who you are attacking! You are very lucky that we’ll need all the man power to destroy Thanos or I would blast your sorry ass into space -” he continued ranting, but Stephen wasn’t quite listening.

He suddenly remembered why he had thought it a good idea to kiss him earlier. Angry/irritated Tony, all flushed and shouting was... ridiculously hot.

“Hi, my name is Star Lord. And you are?” asked Quill, clearly thinking something along the lines with what Stephen was. And the idea of being anything like that idiot was better than any cold shower.

Tony actually stopped, stared at him for a second then scoffed. “Way out of your league,” he informed him, turning around and walking towards the part of the ship they had walked through.

Peter moved to help the antennae girl out of her bindings, while Stephen was unsure on whether to follow Tony out or just glare at this ‘Star Lord’ a little more.

“Man, if I wasn’t completely in love with Gamora and heartbroken that she was gone...” said Star Lord looking at where Tony had left from a little wistfully.

Stephen decided to stand and glare at him a little bit more. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **tony** : wish i had a man  
>  **every man in a 500km radius** : hi lol, you're really pretty-  
>  **tony, louder** : wish a man would flirt with me  
>  **every man in a 500km radius** : uh, can you hear me? I think you're hot  
>  **tony, even louder** : I wish A MAN WOULD TRY ASKING ME OUT
> 
>  **stephen, walks by** :  
>  **tony** : CAN YOU STOP THROWING YOURSELF AT ME EVERY SECOND? I DON'T WANT TO KISS YOU LMAO, STOP ACTING THIRSTY AS FUCK  
>  **stephen, the cloak, peter, the guardians, every man in a 500 km radius** : ???


	4. mirror mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **quill:** exists
> 
>  **tony, stephen and peter:** maybe if we stay real quiet and don't acknowledge him he'll leave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, i recognise that loki 'died' at the beginning of infinity war but given its a stupid ass decision i refuse to accept it

“So,” said Star Lord, once the girl - who was called Mantis - was free. He wasn’t looking at Stephen, but at Peter. “Is he like… your mom or something? Is superheroing a family tradition?”

Peter looked at him with a frown. “Mr Stark isn’t my _mom_. He’s my… mentor?”

“Nu uh,” disagreed Quill. “He’s a lot nicer and sexier than Yondu ever was but I recognise a nagging parent when I see one.”

Peter thought about it for a second, then turned to Stephen with a thoughtful expression. “Mr Wizard. Do you also think that Mr Stark is a little like my dad?”

Stephen, who had been standing there glaring at Star Lord for the past minute or so, blinked back to the teen. “I assumed he was, yeah.”

The boy actually lit up at that. “Neat!” He smiled brightly, then straightened up and walked up to Stephen. “Hello. I’m Peter Parker, nice to meet you.”

“Hey, my name is Peter too! What are the chances-”

“I’m Dr Strange,” said Stephen, ignoring Quill and nodding at Peter.

The boy blinked. “Oh, we’re using our made up names? I’m Spider Man.” Then, before Stephen could explain that it was not a ‘made up name’, he continued. “What exactly are your intentions with my father?”

Quill chocked on something behind them, while Stephen’s eye twitched. “Pardon me?”

“Yeah, what?! This guy?!”

Peter ignored Quill as well, still focused on Stephen. “Captain Rogers was a dick, and I would prefer if _my dad’s_ next boyfriend wasn’t another one.”

“I’m not, I-” Stephen would like to say that he wasn’t sputtering in front of a barely legal child in a spider costume, but he would be lying. “I’m not-”

“Pete!” shouted Tony from outside the ship. “What are you guys still doing?”

“Coming Mr Stark!” trilled the teenager, his voice the image of innocence. Then he pointed at his eyes and Stephen, the universal sign for ‘I’m watching you’, before rushing outside.

Did his ex boyfriend’s new kid just _threaten_ him? His prepubescent kid?

Quill opened his mouth, and Stephen said “Nope,” before following after Peter.

If he had to describe the place, he would say it looked a little like a desert. Or the 32nd Dimension. Or Arizona. 

It was dusty, empty and in ruins, like something - a natural disaster, perhaps? - had occurred there.

“The heck happened to this planet?” said Quill, from behind him. He had a strange object in his hands that he was using to measure. “It's eight degrees off its axis. Gravitational pull is all over the place.”

Behind him the girl - Mantis - was jumping in one of the low gravity spots.

Tony was explaining something to the peanut gallery and Stephen decided to do something that Mordo would have quite possibly killed him over.

Check the future timelines and see how they could kill Thanos.

It wasn’t a decision he was making lightly. But the fate of the Universe depended on it. He had seen Bruce Banner earlier, and he had heard the man’s tale of how he had easily defeated Thor and his people. And if enhanced aliens that were once believed to be gods fell easily, if Thanos had managed to scare the _Hulk_ , Stephen didn’t like his chances.

It did not have anything to do with the panicked look in Tony’s eyes when he had begged him to not go back to Earth and instead to take the battle to the titan. Or how he had spoken about Thanos being in his head for the past six years. Or the way he had looked at Peter when he thought no one was looking at him, with _terror_ in his eyes.

No sir. Stephen Strange was 100% over Tony Stark.

The Cloak seemed to be watching him, reading his mind from where it stood _and_ judging him for his thoughts at the same time, and Stephen proceeded to ignore it again. The Cloak might not have said anything yet, but it was _wrong_. Cloak needed to stop looking at him like it knew something.

It knew nothing.

Cloak's eyes seemed to narrow at him and Stephen turned around, settled in position and opened the Eye of Agamotto.

+++

Tony had a headache.

For once his headache wasn’t caused by worrying about Peter, or worrying about Vision, or worrying about Rhodey's braces, or worrying about Vision, or worrying about Peter, or worrying about what to do next, or worrying about Vision, or worrying about Peter or-

No, this time it was caused by aliens who were way too stubborn for their own good. How was it that no matter how he looked at it, _men_ were always the bane of his existence? Men were awful.

He tried to speak once more. “We got one advantage. He's coming to us. We'll need to use it. All right, I have a plan. Or at least the beginnings of one. It's pretty simple. We draw him in, pin him down, get what we need. Definitely don't wanna dance with this guy. We just want the gauntlet.”

Mr Clean actually _yawned_. See? Nothing good ever came from men.

“Are you yawning?” he demanded, fighting the urge of pointing a weapon or beating him over the head with something. “In the middle of this, while I'm breaking it down? Huh? Did you hear what I said?”

He didn’t even look chastised. “I stopped listening after you said, "We need a plan."”

For the love of god. He turned to the human, who was clearly checking him out and what was it with people flirting with him at the end of the world?! “Okay, Mr. Clean is on his own page.”

Quill gave him a charming smile. “Sorry, babe. See, 'not winging it' isn't really what they do.”

Peter looked at him suspiciously and moved to stand between the two of them. “Uh, what exactly is it that they do?”

Snail girl tried to stand threatening. “Kick names, take ass.”

Mr Clean stood like her. “Yeah, that's right.”

Tony wanted to cry. Why Universe? _Why him_? Even Peter next to him was staring like he wasn’t quite sure how to react either.

Step up, Stark. Fate of the Universe. You can do it. Chanel your inner Maria Stark. Analyse the problem, offer a solution and look great doing it.

He took a deep breath and turned to Quill. “Alright, just get over here, please. Mr. Lord, can you get your folks to circle up?”

“Awh,” said Quill, “'Mr. Lord.' Star-Lord is fine. Guys?”

“We’ve got to coalesce. 'Cause if all we come at him with is a plucky attitude-”

Of course, he was interrupted immediately, by Quill this time. “Dude, don't call us plucky, come on. We don't know what it means. Alright, we're optimistic, yes. I like your plan. Except it sucks, so let me do the plan, and that way it might be really good.”

There was simply no time for people other than Tony to be arrogant, did no one read the script?!

“Tell him about the dance-off to save the universe,” and that actually made him pause for a second for the mere absurdity of it.

“What dance-off?”

For the first time, Quill looked embarrassed. “It's not a... it's not... it's nothing.”

Peter was frowning, a little too intrigued for Tony’s liking. “Like in Footloose, the movie?”

And here the Star Lord lit up. “Exactly like Footloose. Is it still the greatest movie in history?”

“It never was,” answered Peter, and any other time Tony would have high fived him for that.

Be it as it was. “Don't encourage this, kid, alright?”

The kid pouted, but nodded in okay.

“We're getting no help from Flash Gordon here.”

“Flash Gordon? Thanks for the compliment, pretty,” Did he just call him _pretty_? Quill winked. “Don't forget, I'm half human. So that 50% of me that's stupid? That's 100% you. But that’s okay, you’re hot enough that it doesn’t matter.”

Tony wanted to put this man in a room with Scott Lang and just see what would happen. “Your math is blowing my mind.”

“Excuse me,” said the Mantis girl, who as odd as she was, Tony considered somewhat to be the most adorable and nice of the bunch. “But... does your friend often do that?”

Friend?

Tony turned around and then actually did a double take. Stephen was sitting cross-legged and floating above the ground with his hands over his funky Infinity Stone necklace. Which was open and glowing for the whole world to see. And if that wasn’t enough it looked like he was seizing at super speed, the cape blowing to invisible wind behind him.

The genius quickly moved towards him. “Stephanie, we alright?” he asked, slipping into the old nickname by accident.

Just then Stephen broke out whatever trance he had been in and fell forward, letting out a cry. Tony managed to catch him before he fell to the ground, holding him tight. “Stephen! Hey, you’re back,” he retracted part of his armour and passed a hand over his sweaty forehead. “You're alright.”

Stephen was still breathing hard, and Tony refused to let him go as everyone else approached them.

“Hey, what was that?” asked Peter, eyeing them both with a little worry.

Stephen tried to speak, but Tony stopped him. “Hold on. Sit down. You need to breathe. Come on.”

The other man was looking at him a little differently than he had before. His grey eyes seemed a little more intense as he allowed Tony to manhandle him in a sitting position. “There. Just keep breathing for a sec, Stephanie.” Falling back into old habits, no no. Tony needed to snap out of it.

Stephen’s breath stuttered for a second, then he shook his head. “I’m fine, Tony.”

“Yeah, that’s why you’re sweating like this and breathing like you ran a marathon, got you,” he snapped, pulling out a handkerchief from his suit and gently wiping the man’s brow. “There. You calming down?”

“Where did he get the handkerchief from?” hissed Quill from behind him.

“I am not sure, but he reminds of Ovette. He must be the wizard’s Ovette.”

He felt Stephen’s scarred hand on his and turned his attention on the man, pausing in his dabbing. “I went forward in time to view alternate futures. To see all the possible outcomes of the coming conflict.”

Tony held a breath, as Quill asked, “How many did you see?”

Stephen’s eyes remained on Tony the entire time. “14,000,605.”

Why was he looking at him like that? It was different from earlier. It was a little too close to how he _used_ to look at him for Tony’s liking, actually. He stood up, crossing his arms. “How many did we win?”

Stephen didn’t stop staring at him. “One.”

Because when did things go the way Tony liked them?

Honestly.

Fuck his life.

+++

Okay, so things weren’t all right.

So maybe he had exaggerated when he said he was _completely_ over Tony Stark.

But the Universe didn’t have to take it as a challenge! It didn’t have to show him the man sacrificing himself more than 14 million times for the world and see how long it took for Stephen to realise he was still moronically and hopelessly in love with his ex (2 times. It took only 2 times).

Tony seemed to have noticed something had shifted, but he, for now, seemed to be unaware of what, exactly.

And did he have to make everything more complicated by acting just as he would have 8 years ago? With the whole “Oh lemme wipe your forehead, do you want to hold my hand? I’ve got you babe”? Calling him _Stephanie_ again? Where did he even pull out a handkerchief from his suit?! 

He did feel the littlest bit bad about telling him that there was only one chance of them winning. However, the few times he told them the exact number of chances in which they could win, it always ended up with them losing because the Guardians got too cocky. So he had to tolerate the devastated look on Tony’s face and the way he immediately went to stand next to Peter at his words.

“Okay,” said Tony, swallowing nervously. “Okay. One chance in millions. That’s fine. We beat worse odds.”

Quill looked a little horrified. “Worse odds? Excuse me but what’s going on on Terra?”

Tony ignored him and turned to face Stephen. “So like, are you allowed to tell us what plan wins us the day?”

“Yeah. We need Thor to arrive here,” he explained and dragged himself to his feet. “In most timelines he ends up going straight to Earth from Nidavellir. We need him and the rest of his team to come here.”

“It’s my team, actually,” grumbled Quill and again, he was ignored.

Peter frowned, though he looked a little excited. “How do we call Thor?”

Stephen reigned in his jealously and turned to Tony. “You know how.”

The man stared at him nonplussed for a couple of seconds, before his expression morphed into one of disgust. “Wait, seriously? He wasn’t joking?”

“Joking with what?” demanded to know Peter, and Tony pressed a hand to his face. 

“I hate Asgardians. I really do,” he muttered to himself, pulling his suit back once more.

“Holy shit, he’s built,” managed Quill, too far for Tony to hear him.

Drax hit him over the head. “Stop looking at another man’s wife!”

“Hey, I’m just appreciating the aesthetic! And he’s no one’s wife, his kid told me he’s-”

Stephen decided that he didn’t have to suffer by listening to what they were saying and focused back on Tony. 

The man had a disgruntled expression on his face as he was sitting cross legged to the side, eyes pressed shut and lips pressed together. 

Because apparently, the most sure free way of getting Thor’s attention was to _pray_ to him. And apparently, Tony was one of the few people Thor actually would listen to if he prayed to him. 

Yes, Stephen was aware that, from what he knew, Thor was straight. Yes, Stephen was still jealous.

Tony stood up after a minute or so, still looking like a disgruntled kitten that got pushed into the water against his wishes and pointed a finger at Stephen. “I’ll never forgive you for that. And if it doesn’t work, I’ll slap you again.”

 _If you knew how badly I want to kiss you, you’d slap me without any further thought,_ he thought. Outside, he shrugged. “It’s always a pleasure watching men of science being plummed by mystical powers.”

His lips twitched. “You’re not funny, Strange.”

“Excuse me, I’m hilarious,” he answered, smirking down at him.

Tony just huffed at this, moving back towards Peter. “By the way, kid, if we survive this, you’re going to be in so much trouble.”

“What? Why does this lecture never end?” whined the boy, but Tony didn’t let it deter him.

“Because the longer we stay out here, the more dangers keep arising, and the more mad I get at you for following me. Plus, the longer we’re out here, the more May is going to shout at me and I want to have evidence that I’ve been scolding you the entire time so that she gets mad at you instead.”

“I cannot believe you would do this to me. This is so sad, Alexa play Despacito.”

“Alexa! You dare mention Amazon in this household?! You’re disowned, Parker. Disowned, I tell you!”

Watching them was both healing and gut wrenching for Stephen. After watching the 14 million different battles, he had found he understood their relationship a little better. And they really were like father and son. He was not, thankfully, an engineered child of him and Rogers like he had worried about when he saw his super strength earlier - though he had known the kid wasn’t Rogers’ at some level. He was too cute - but they had a bond nevertheless.

A bond that made Stephen want in, that didn’t scare him but instead made him _yearn_. For more. For Tony.

But he had blown his chance all those years ago when he walked away. When he had -

His thoughts were shattered by the sound of the Bifrost opening and a knot in his chest untied. There was no chance of them winning - because no world in which Tony _died_ was a win - if Thor wasn’t on Titan with them, and now that he was their odds were finally better.

“Friend Tony!” bellowed Thor, appearing with the three other people he had went to Nidavellir with.

The downside of Thor being there was standing right at his side, and immediately _growled_ and pulled out two daggers when he put his eyes on him.

“You!” shouted the mage, getting ready to attack.

Stephen affected a bored expression even as he tensed slightly. “Me.”

“Thor!” called Tony, smiling hugely as the man picked him off the ground in an almost bone crushing hug. “Oh god, I didn’t think I’d miss the man handling. It’s good to see you, big guy.”

_Thor is straight, Thor is straight, Thor is straight…_

Loki kept his daggers poised but he didn’t attack, staying planted at his older brother’s side and eyeing Tony and the rest of the Guardians with badly concealed suspicion.

“Uh,” said Peter, alternating between staring in amazement at Thor, confusion at the walking Racoon arguing with Quill, wonderment at the Tree with a gameboy and Loki. He settled on Loki. “Are you not evil anymore?”

Loki raised an eyebrow. “Depends on the moment.”

“So on a scale 1 to 10, with 10 being like super evil and helping Thanos, and 1 being like… cutting your brother’s hair off, where are you right now?”

Even Tony had stopped hugging Thor - and thank god for that! Stephen didn’t need to see all of his seducing of men - and was looking at Loki speculatively. He didn’t pull Peter away from him.

Loki cocked his head to the side, actually giving it some thought. “A three?”

Peter nodded and stuck out his hand. “Okay. Tell me if it gets over six.”

He waited for Loki to nod slowly and shake his hand before moving towards the tree with a pep in his step. The mage watched him leave for a second before turning to Tony. “I like him. I hope he survives.”

What a way to lift people’s spirits.

Stephen cleared his throat, refusing to let Tony's devastated look affect him enough to attempt to murder the God of Chaos. “Good thing I have a plan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **stephen:** I'm totally over tony stark  
>  **universe:**  
>  **stephen:** hoe don't do it  
>  **universe:** *shows stephen 14 million times tony dies and reminds him of how much he loves tony*  
>  **stephen:** oh my god


	5. trigger warning: thanos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **russos:** the only way for them to win is for tony to di-  
>  **stephen, boinking thanos and the russos in the head:** step back from my mans unless you want to find out what _really_ goes on in nebraska  
>  **russos, slightly afraid:** what the fuck does that mean  
>  **stephen:** lemme just stay there is a reason why a nebraska boy defeated dormammu  
>  **russos, even more scared than before:**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writing this fully in tony's pov cause its funnier that way sorry steph
> 
>   
> **no one:**
> 
>  **thor:** i actually like you better, I don't even like whatever person we are talking about rn

When Thanos appeared on Titan in a cloud of blue, he was greeted by Stephen Strange and Tony Stark.

Tony - and Thor - had both protested this idea, although for very different reasons, but in the end, Stephen was the one who saw the future. And there was simply no time to distrust one another at the end of the world.

Still Tony stuck closer to his ex boyfriend than he maybe should. But, in his defence, watching him panting like that on the ground... had been uncomfortable. Part of his brain still refused to realise that this was not the same Stephen from eight years ago or that just like him, the guy was not a simple ‘civilian’ anymore. He was a... superhero of sorts, and therefore, could take care of himself.

It was hard to compute though, and since Stephen simply glanced at him in that imperscrutable way of his but said nothing, Tony would take it to mean he didn’t mind.

“So you’re Thanos,” greeted Stephen, watching the Titan approach.

He was... smaller than Tony expected. Don’t misunderstand, he was huge. But compared to the Big Gladiator, he wasn’t that big.

Thanos eyed Stephen with an almost sad expression. “I take it the Maw is dead. This day extracts a heavy toll. Still, he accomplished his mission.”

Maw? Oh god, was Squidward’s name Maw? That was  _ hilarious. _

“You may regret that.” Informed him Stephen. “He brought you face-to-face with the Master of the Mystic Arts.”

And Thanos smirked, which looked very ugly on his sour grape of a face. “And where do you think he brought you?” 

“The vine you fell out of?” questioned Tony, and now Thanos’ attention was on him.

Miscalculation, having those soulless things looking at him was not, in any way-

“Stark.”

Great. Just great. The murderous genocidal asshole of the Galaxy  _ knew his name _ . “You know me?”

Thanos smiled, and ugh that was worse than he smirked. “I do. You are not the only one cursed with knowledge.”

“My only curse, is  _ you. _ ”

Thanos continued speaking like he hadn’t heard him. “You slayed my armies in one single blow. Before my quest for balance, I sought to court Lady Death. Which of course, was silly; but you, my little Merchant.”

Gagging. Tony was  _ gagging _ . “I am  _ not  _ your little Merchant, let’s make that clear. And what the hell are you talking about with balance.”

“You’ll change your mind,” said Thanos, self assured. “This place you stand on. It was my home. And it was beautiful.” He curled his gauntleted fists and activated something - probably the reality stone - to show them the planet before whatever happened happen. It certainly looked idyllic. “Titan was like most planets. Too many mouths, and not enough to go around. And when we faced extinction, I offered a solution.”

Stephen glared. “Genocide.”

“But at random, dispassionate, fair to rich and poor alike,” explained the sour grape, like it was supposed to win them over. “They called me a madman. And what I predicted came to pass.” He relaxed his hand and Titan returned to what it was.

“So you’re a prophet,” drawled Strange.

“A real life Cassandra,” agreed Tony, rolling his own eyes.

Thanos looked between the two of them and puffed out his chest. “I'm a survivor.”

“Who wants to murder trillions.”

“And save trillions,” counterargued Thanos. “Trillions  _ and  _ you, Stark.” Gross, gross, gross! “With all six stones, I could simply snap my fingers, and they would all cease to exist. I call that... mercy.”

Yeah this guy was truly insane. He reminded Tony of all the rich guys he went to boarding school with in the worst possible ways. “And then what?” Asked Stephen.

Thanos smiled at Tony in what, in his mind, was probably a romantic expression but in reality was downright terrifying. He had never thought being the hottest piece of ass in the Universe would come to bite him. “I -  _ we _ \- finally rest... and watch the sun rise on a grateful universe. The hardest choices require the strongest wills. Join me, Stark.”

Stephen actually stepped between Tony and Thanos, summoning his mandalas. “I think you'll find our will equal to yours.”

And that was their cue. Thanos didn’t even have time to react before a chunk of wreckage - courtesy of Thor - was being thrown in his direction and immediately crushing him.

Not that it did much to stop him, since Thanos quickly erupted in purple energy, screaming in rage and attacking them back.

The battle that followed was hard to keep a track on. Everyone except Loki - who was invisible - went at the Titan with all they got, hitting, kicking, blasting - even biting in the Raccoon’s case - every part of the Titan they could find and trying to stop him from using the stones he had already found.

In exchange, Thanos grew more frustrated and more angry, but anger made him sloppy, which was exactly what they were counting on.

He did see when Thanos grabbed Peter by the neck and then threw him at Strange, effectively hitting a 2x combo and renewed his attacks. Thor was also attacking with as much lightning as he could, but Thanos kept turning his lightning into fireworks or using the power stone to absorb the hits, which made the Asgardian so very mad it wasn’t funny.

Thanos was in the middle of trying to light Tony on fire - so much for wanting him to ‘join him’ - when another spaceship crash landed on the titan, dragging him for along and burying him under debris.

The humanoid that stepped out was a blue alien with several cybernetic parts attached to her and blades of energy ready at her hands. 

Thanos sneered at her. “Well, well.”

“Quill?” demanded Tony, unsure if he should aim and hit them both or not.

“You should have killed me!” shouted cyborg-alien.

“Nebula, sister of Gamora and the  _ other  _ daughter of Thanos,” explained the half human. “She hates him too.”

“It would've been a waste of parts!” roared Thanos and  _ hell no.  _ What kind of parent would say that to his child?! Tony did not even know her, but he could already tell that Nebula deserved better.

The girl clearly was no bothered by what her ‘dad’ was saying, as she leaped at him with a scream. “Where's Gamora?!”

Thanos, the utter dick, punched her away just as Stephen used two glowy red thingies to pull the gauntlet off his fingers.

It was time. 

Thanos tried to pull himself out of the hold, and Drax slid in from his right, kicking his knee and knocking him off balance, before Groot did the same, wrapping himself around Thanos’ kneeling leg.

Quill shot an electric trap that quickly created a tangle-field holding down his unarmoured hand while Peter swung in and webbed Thanos’ chest and pulled him a little backwards. Then Stephen opened a portal straight over Thanos’ head that dropped Mantis on his shoulders.

Mantis put both hands on his temples, immediately tearing up as she struggled to subdue him, and Tony quickly dropped over his gauntlet with Loki and Peter. “Is he under? Mantis, don’t let up!”

She contained her sniffles and her antennae - this was so weird - glowed even brighter. “Be quick! He is very strong.”

It was three of them and  _ still  _ they were having trouble pulling the gauntlet off him. “She can't hold him much longer. Let's go guys.”

Quill flew over them, standing right in front of Thanos. “I thought you'd be harder to catch. For the record, this was my plan. Not so strong now, huh? Where is Gamora?”

Thanos’ voice shook slightly. “My Gamora...?”

“No, bull-shit. Where is-” started Quill, only to be interrupted by Stephen.

“Thor, now!” he shouted and it took years and years of training for Tony not to let go in surprise. That was not part of the plan. What was Stephen planning?

And then Quill barely had time to dodge before Thor was throwing his mighty axe at him as hard as he could and hitting Thanos squarely _in the chest,_ which made Mantis waver in her hold with a shriek.

Thanos’ eyes cleared slightly. “You should have gone for the-”

He never got to finish his sentence. The second Tony had seen that the idiot had  _ missed _ , he had let go of the gauntlet and leaped up with a nanobot knife that he embedded in the sour grape’s neck.

And he wasn’t the only one who had thought of that, considering that there was a sword that had gone through his throat from the back of his head and another dagger on the left side of his neck, making a total of three stabs no misses.

Thanos gargled in shock, but he couldn’t even use the stones because at the same time as he was being stabbed, Stephen had used the same trick Wong had used before and severed the titan’s gauntlet and his hand from the rest of his body.

Loki sneered pushing his dagger harder into him. “I told you. You’ll never be a god.”

And then, like it wasn’t enough of an overkill already,  _ Carol Danvers _ from the nineties _ flied  _ in with  _ fists made of fire  _ and a green alien hanging on her legs and punched Thanos in the face, which made his already half severed head  _ fall off his neck  _ and thump on the ground.

The sword, dagger and nano bots knife all fell to the ground when Thanos’ head did and for a second everyone just watched as the life left Thanos’ eyes  _ forever _ . As the creature of their nightmares, the man that had been killing Tony's mind since fucking _New York_ let out his last breath.

Nebula was the first to move, eyes alight with something as she picked up her sword again. “He’s dead.”

Like a dam burst.

Dead.

He was dead. 

He was  _ dead _ .

Thanos was dead.

“Gamora!” shouted Quill, running towards the green alien.

Thor let out a cheer that was both happy and pained, and grabbed Loki in his arms, his brother allowing him despite being covered in the Titan’s blood.

Peter was jumping up and down with Groot, and Drax was shaking Nebula’s hand with an imperious expression on his face.

And Tony turned to Stephen in an instant, unsure if it was joy or an active panic attack building in his chest, grabbing the man by the shoulders. “We did it.”

Stephen smiled at him. “ _ You  _ did it.”

“He’s dead.”

“He’s dead.”

“Oh my god,” let out Tony, throwing his arms around Stephen’s neck and pulling him down in one of hardest and filthiest kisses he had given to date, bloodied fingers falling into Stephen’s hair. Stephen kissed back as enthusiastically, biting and licking his lips and letting out a groan, hands falling on Tony's hips and pulling him closer. There was blood in their kiss - which gross - but Stephen didn't let up, only letting go when Tony finally stepped back. “We did it!”

Stephen's eyes were crinkled in happiness and then Peter was jumping in Tony's arms. “We did it, Mr Stark!” called the teenager, and Tony let out a laugh that was a little too close to a sob for his own liking but didn't care. Peter was alive, he was okay, Thanos was gone and Peter was _safe._ “You’re squishing me, Mr Stark!”

“I don’t care! We won!” he said and Peter laughed, holding him just as tightly. 

Then it was Carol’s turn. “Are there any other of my friends that I lost floating around in space?” he asked her, still laughing and lowkey crying, as he hugged her.

Carol laughed too. “I thought I was the only one.”

He ended up hugging everyone, even a very confused Nebula - oh Tony was going to smother her in kindness, what kind of person made a child [yes, she was a child to him] confused by the thought of  _ hugs  _ \- and a wary but accommodating Loki.

And then lastly he hugged Thor, though he did slap his arm before doing so. “How did you miss?!”

Thor looked a little sheepish and disgruntled. “I wanted to make him suffer, can everyone stop being mad at me? He’s dead!” he complained, mollifying when Tony snorted and hugged him. But then Thor didn’t let go, whispering in his ear. “But Friend Tony, I have to ask. My brother has told me several times that I need to know all the facts lest I go and reveal the wrong secret to the wrong person.”

“Okay?”

“You were kissing the wizard earlier. Does... friend Steve know?”

Tony scoffed, refusing to even  _ think  _ about the first part of the sentence (holy shit. Did he just kiss Stephen? Did he  _ kiss Stephen _ ?! What? _FUCK_ ), “Me and Steve broke up, big guy.”

Thor’s eyes were wide. “No! What happened?”

“He lied.”

“He lied?”

“He lied!”

“Rogers lied?!”

“He fucking lied!” 

“I can’t believe him!” said Thor, letting go of Tony and putting his hands on his waist. “How  _ dare  _ he?!”

“Right! That’s what I said!”

“You know, I never liked Steve that much,” confessed Thor, nodding solemnly. “I much prefer you.”

Tony narrowed his eyes a little at this. “Really?”

“Yeah, I don’t even like Rogers. He’s all like, ‘uh, God bless America, I can do this all day, blah blah’. No no, I like  _ you  _ better.”

Tony did not believe him in the slightest. “Uh-uh.”

“As much as I would like to get into a fight with whoever lied to my Tony,” said Carol, draping a hand over his shoulders. “We received a message on our way here. Thanos has sent an army to Earth.”

Tony let out a groan. “Seriously?”

Nebula took a step forward. “Yes. I sent the message. He has sent the Outriders, Proxima and Corvius after the mind stone.”

All the annoyance seeped out of Tony. “The mind stone.”

She nodded and Tony made a blaster appear out of his suit. "Peter close your eyes and cover your ears."

Years of living and working with Tony had the teenager doing just that, and Tony turned, pointed the cannon and shot Thanos’ headless body several times again. “If I find that Vision is hurt in any way shape or form I’ll find a way to bring you back to life just so I can kill you  _ again _ . I will cut off your testicles and pull them out of your throat through your urethra and then force feed it to you again. I will cut off your dick and smash it with your head until its paste and then I will funnel it in your ears like it's wax. I swear to tesla, if Vision has even a scratch I hope you are stuck in the deepest pits of hell where you stub your toe for eternity while being flayed alive and then brought back to life just so I can grind you like one of my fucking green smoothies.” He promised the corpse, glaring hard.

Thor, Stephen, Quill and Drax all took a step back when Tony turned his glare on them. “How do we get on Earth?”

Quill and Drax both pushed Thor forward, who glared back at them before gulping at the promise of pain in Tony’s eyes if he was given a wrong answer. “B-Bifrost? If you’d like?”

Tony wasn’t quite sure since when he was able to intimidate guys like that, but he had to find a way to make this thing appear at will. “Perfect. Team Titan, let’s go!”

+++

Say anything you want about him but if there was something Tony was  _ good  _ at, it was planning an entrance.

He was still incensed from the finding out about Vision  _ still  _ being at risk, but didn’t stop him from making all his systems blast  _ shoot to thrill  _ as the Bifrost dropped the entire of the newly dubbed Team Titan in the middle of the battlefield in Wakanda.

He heard Bruce - who got the Hulk Buster on, nice - shout, “You guys are so screwed now!”, and couldn’t help but smirk a little behind his mask as they all leaped to attack the disgusting outriders all around.

He knew they made for an epic team, visually speaking. Tony in his Iron Man suit with all the tricks and weapons he had in his arsenal. Thor literally glowing with electricity as he jumped into the air and made it rain lightning. Carol flying towards the ship with her fists of fire. Stephen also flying with his cape and making magic… things appear out of nowhere. Loki creating illusions of himself and attacking with both magic and daggers. Peter swinging with his spider webs and his spider legs and being badass as hell. Groot who managed to spear like ten Outriders at once with his branches. Gamora and Nebula with their swords and frankly terrifying auras. Rocket the Raccoon with his Big Scary guns that Tony’s inner Merchant of Death itching to get a hand on. Drax, Mantis and Quill with... well, whatever it was that they normally did.

“Tony!” connected Rhodey immediately. “Good to see you’re not dead and... is that Carol? And is that Strange?!”

“Long story!” answered Tony, sending a couple of missiles towards one of the ships. “Where is my kid?” 

“Which one?” joked his friend, coming to stand back to back with him as they doubled their attacks. “And he should be inside, I think.”

“FRIDAY!”

“ _Yes, Boss?_ ” answered his AI, having reconnected the second he had appeared on Earth again. “ _Please don’t go out of reach again_.”

“I’ll try. Connect to Viz. Tell him Thanos is dead, so now he can join in the fight.”

Not that there was an actual fight going on anymore. The seconds Tony’s team had arrived, the Outriders and Black Order’s chance of survival had gone from 45% to a measly 1.2% - wait, Gamora and Nebula just decapitated and killed their ‘siblings’, so 0.03% now.

By the time Vision appeared on the battlefield, ignoring Steve - who Tony had made sure was fighting directly at the other side to where Tony was fighting - telling him to go back, the battle was basically over.

Vision just had time to kill one particularly stubborn Outrider before it was over and Carol was blowing up their last ship.

“FRIDAY?”

“ _Absolute victory, Boss,_ ” informed him his AI, proud. “ _Not a single Outrider left standing._ ”

“Tony?” asked a timid voice, and he turned around.

Vision was standing a couple of feet behind him, looking a little afraid and unsure. The mind stone was still thankfully in his head and he appeared mostly unhurt. 

Tony immediately retracted his helmet. “Oh, Viz. Come here, kid,” he called, and the android immediately flew into his arms, hugging him tight but not tight enough to hurt. “God, you nearly gave me a heart attack.”

“I’m sorry,” came his reply, muffled from the way he was all but hiding his face in Tony's neck.

“Tony!” called another voice, and Tony looked up to see Steve resolutely walking towards him from a distance and  _ nope _ . Not today, Satan.

He let go of Vision to grab his hand, and turned wildly towards the rest of his team. “All right, let’s roll. Loki, Stephen do you know any spell to make sure the most technologically advanced civilization on Earth doesn’t get their hands on alien tech as well?”

“Tony!” Steve was getting closer.

Loki and Stephen nodded at each other and then, in a cloud of green and orange, all the bodies, weapons and ships had completely disappeared from the battlefield. 

“Tony!” Oh, Steve was very close.

“All right, Team Titan, let’s get out of here! Thor -” he started, but then an orange circle appeared under his feet and he fell through the portal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **rhodey:** tony what's better, being hit on by thanos, fighting thanos or talking to steve  
>  **tony:** hmm...  
>  **tony:** what kind of weapons do I have while fighting thanos  
>  **steve:**... wow
> 
> me any time i write a fic that has something to do with infinity war: and anyway, gamora is still alive :]


	6. mama bear mode: ACTIVATED

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **orphaned youth or youth looking being exists:**  
>  **tony stark:** my parent senses are tingling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tony is everyone's dad and we should thank him for his hard work

Tony only had time to let out a startled screech before the cloak was cushioning his fall and basically depositing him in Stephen’s arms.

Vision floated down beside him, watching them curiously, as the portal disappeared leaving Steve and the rest of Wakanda on the other side of the globe.

“Oh my god,” gasped Tony, turning to stare at Stephen. “What the hell?”

Stephen shrugged, and whew, how come they were standing so close? “You didn’t seem to want to speak to Rogers.”

Of course Tony didn’t want to talk to Rogers. Rogers was his ex husband. And Stephen was his  _ ex  _ boyfriend. His ex boyfriend who, for some reason, his body kept finding itself attached to.

“Uh...” he said, and Stephen's eyes were very blue grey. Pretty. What were they talking about? He was sure there was something important going on, something that involved him not being carried bridal style in said ex’s arms. If only he could-

“Hello, I’m Vision,” said Vision, because  _ right,  _ Vision was there, Thanos, stones, near death experience.

“Doctor Strange,” answered Stephen, not moving an inch.

“You can put me down now,” added Tony, when Stephen made no move to let him go and the man flushed.

“Yeah, uh. Sorry,” he managed, and god when did this whole thing become so awkward?

They had dated eight years ago, remained friends for four and lost contact for four. For four of those years, Tony was dating slash married to Steve. He needed to get his head straight.

He didn’t have  _ time  _ to waste thinking about  _ why  _ he had kissed Stephen and  _ why  _ he wanted to kiss him some more. He had things to do, like,

“Are we in the Compound?” he asked, “Where is the rest of the team?” As he spoke, he started walking, one hand holding Vision’s, recognising the room they had been portaled in.

Stephen seemed to clear his head at the same time, quickly matching his stride. “Right. Yes, we are the Compound and I have portaled everyone on Titan plus Doctor Banner and James here. I don’t think you wanted anyone else, correct?”

“Perfect,” said Tony, as they rounded the corner where everyone was standing. “Alright, guys. Who’s got the gauntlet?”

Loki raised his hand. “I am currently keeping it in one of my pocket dimensions.”

“It cannot stay there,” affirmed Tony. “Keeping the stones close to each other is just  _ begging  _ for another attack. We should discuss where they should be taken as soon as possible, but first things first. You all look awful and you all stink.”

“He says the sweetest things,” cooed Quill, and Tony was a mature adult so he ignored him.

“There are plenty of bathrooms and showers, communal or non in the building. FRI, baby?”

“ _Yes, Boss?_ ”

Half of the room jumped in surprise at the voice, and yeah, Tony was not that mature. Their reaction was hilarious. “Show everyone who needs a shower or food where to get something.”

“ _Are we celebrating?_ ”

“Is that a real person or an actual AI?” demanded to know Rocket, staring at the ceiling with a glint in his eyes that made Tony want to hide his silver and clutch his purse.

“An AI and not yet, darling. Rhodey-”

“I make an appointment with the UN and deal with Ross and you get Pepper to get it on with a press conference?” asked his best friend, immediately on the same wavelength.

Tony sent a kiss in his direction. “You know me so well. But make it-”

“Tomorrow. Don’t worry, I’ve got this. But make sure we know what to do with the stones by then.”

“I can talk to Pepper, if you’d like,” said Vision, subtly trying to pull his hand out of Tony’s hand.

Tony turned his eyes on him and Vision immediately hunched on himself, giving him the android version of puppy eyes that had been working so well for the past two years. Well, after what he went through in the past 24 hours - or hell, ever since Vision ran away? No way.

“I will talk to Pepper myself. You go sit down on the couch.”

“Ton-”

“ _ Now. _ ” He did not shout or snap, but Vision hunched in himself even more as he hovered sadly towards the couch, while everyone looked at the scene curiously. Except for a little spider who was trying to crawl away. “Peter.” The spider stilled too. “You too. Couch.”

The teenager sighed, pulling his mask off and giving Vision an empathetic glance as he settled next to him.

“Friend Tony,” said Thor then, still bloody and nasty. “Can I leave my brother with you? I need to ascertain for my people and find out how many of them survived Thanos and Hela’s collective wrath, as well as find them somewhere to stay.”

“I do not need a babysitter-” started Loki, but immediately froze when Tony’s gaze flicked on him.

“Did you say something, Loki?”

The raven haired man shook his head quickly. “I’ll just go sit down on the couch.”

“You do that.” Then he turned to Thor who was looking at him a little afraid. “You guys will probably be seeking asylum on Earth right? The moment you find out how many people you have you come _straight_ here and I’ll send you Pepper’s way. I’m sure we can sell you some land if the people of Earth are as alienphobic as they are racist and xenophobic. But be back by tomorrow in any case because the meeting will be important. I don’t want to get ready to go and find out you’re not present. Am I clear?”

“Yes, Queen Frigga All-Moth- I mean, friend Tony.” He seemed to visibly shake himself. “Norms. It’s like you’re channelling her.”

Tony was in fact channelling someone, but it was  _ his  _ mother. Well, his mother plus Jarvis and Pepper and Rhodey. 

“All right, off you go.” The Guardians except Nebula - who was sitting on the couch too, with an annoyed expression on her face - had all disappeared, so he turned his attention to the people sitting on the couch. “Now, you two.”

“Father-”

“Mr Stark-”

“ _ Quiet. _ ” They snapped their mouths shut. Tony looked at Vision first. “Do you have any idea how worried I was for the past two weeks? Or how beside myself I was in the past 24 hours alone? I had no idea where you were, no idea on how to contact you and all I knew was that a genocidal psychopath was gunning for you for that sparkly thing you have in your forehead!”

“I-”

“I have given you  _ everything  _ you could have asked for. Gave you space when you asked for it, and always ready to talk to you, and  _ more _ . And yet the moment I can’t do something quite as fast as normal, you run away?”

“I thought I loved her!”

“You are  _ three years old _ ! She is a -” ex nazi murderer who hated his guts and accepted to be experimented on just so she could get revenge on him. “You went to therapy because of her! She sent you down several stories because you said  _ no  _ to her once! Viz, do you have any idea what I felt like when FRIDAY called me that day and told me that you were hurt and showed me what she did? And after all that you still decided to run away with her?!”

Vision could not physically cry, but he made a damn good impression for sure, as he blinked his big eyes at Tony, contrite and remorseful.

But Tony had a point to this, and he hoped Vision wasn’t already at the stage of teenage rebellion, despite what his latest stunt showed. “I have been too lenient,” he finally said, crossing his arms around his chest. “Turning a blind eye while you were texting a known criminal, acting like your happiness and making sure you didn’t hate me was more important than your well being. Clearly we need to resume your therapy sessions. And...” he hesitated for a moment. “And you’re grounded.”

“What?” asked the android, mouth wide open.

“You’re grounded!” repeated Tony with more conviction. “FRIDAY will be keeping an eye on you and I don’t want to see any more texting between you and the wit- and Maximoff. You’ll be staying at the Compound tomorrow while we debrief, and the therapist will be coming to the Compound so you won't be leaving the premises.”

He felt shitty doing it. He had always been the fun parent, while both Bruce and Steve were the deadbeat ones - Bruce because in space, Steve because he simply was one and treated Wanda like a kid and Vision like a fully grown adult.

And then Steve left, and Tony was afraid that if he tried to stop him from seeing Wanda, Vision would leave him and join up Steve. The only good thing that came from the entire shit-show was that Vision had been planning to run away with Wanda _alone,_ and not join in with Steve. But that showed him that he needed to become at least a little more strict. Channel his inner Jarvis.

“I’m doing this because I love you,” he said then, because even when he tried to be strict Vision’s sad eyes were gut wrenching. “Now go to your room.”

“Yes, Father.”

Tony watched him hover away for a moment, and then turned back to Peter, who cringed. “Yeah, you’re in a mountain of trouble too, kid. But not with me.”

Peter’s expression cleared. “I am not?”

The older man smiled. “No. You’re going to go shower now, and get something to eat.” Peter relaxed. Tony’s smile grew. “And by then May will have arrived and you’ll have the pleasure of explaining to her what the hell you were thinking.”

The boy looked like he was seriously about to have a heart attack. “What?”

“Oh, you thought I was joking on Titan?” He scoffed. “FRIDAY, first off download the footage from Bleeding Edge and Iron Spider suit and reconstruct all the fights so that we can show them tomorrow. Then make copies of the times I was lecturing Peter. Also put the Iron Spider suit back in storage.”

“ _On it!_ ”

“Mr Stark,” whined the boy, and after Vision’s puppy eyes of doom his whining was  _ nothing _ . “You can’t do this.”

“ _Watch_ me. Now go shower, you have blood on your suit. And May  _ will  _ tell me whatever punishment she deems appropriate and I  _ will  _ snitch if you try to circumvent her through me.” He informed him, maintaining the same strict tone from before. “Now off you go.”

He stomped his feet and grumbled the entire time, but eventually he moved away. Tony turned his attention to the other two people sitting on the couch and frowned. “I don’t recall having adopted either of you yet.”

Loki was eyeing him warily. “I’m waiting for Thor to come back.”

Nebula huffed, though her expression was just as wary. “Gamora saw everyone putting their younger siblings on the couch and dropped me here.”

Oh god. Why would anyone leave their very stabby siblings with Tony? There was nothing he wanted less than to deal with Loki and Nebula and their whole emotional baggage.

He noticed Stephen was standing near the door, clearly waiting to speak to him.

Well, on the other side, if people trusted Tony to deal with their siblings, who was Tony to say no?

* * *

It took Stephen a good while before he managed to corner Tony.

The genius was flying around the entire place, talking to FRIDAY, talking to Pepper, dealing with his children, getting shouted at by May, listening to May shout at Peter, getting thanked by May for talking to Peter, dealing with the Guardians, dealing with his children once more, dealing with Loki and Nebula, and outright avoiding him.

Eventually he found him almost five hours later in one of the common rooms after most people had gone to eat together, head in one hand and listening as FRIDAY crunched the numbers he would need to deal with the New York skirmish - he refused to call it the New York Flying Donut Ship Fight as Tony and Peter both referred to it as - and the chances of any alien tech being left there.

“Still, double check for me, will you?” asked Tony, picking up his Stark Tab. “Go through the footage from any available camera before, throughout and after the battle. I trust my Brucey Bear, but you never know. I don’t want another Vulture.”

“Wong double checked,” said Stephen, wincing slightly when Tony flinched at his appearance. “Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you. Wong did the same thing me and Loki did earlier, right after the battle.”

“And what exactly is it that you did?” asked Tony, watching him sit next to him and crossing both his arms and legs. “Disappeared it?”

“I can explain to you the properties of magic and teletransportation, and the velocity things can handle being teleported before they burst into flames but we’d be here the entire night,” he said, scoffing a little.

It worked just as he thought it would. Tony arched an eyebrow at him, becoming less tense. “Try me.”

“Maybe another time. I have to talk to you,” and damn it, he tensed right back.

“Right,” even his laugh sounded fake. “Talk. Yup. We need to do that. But then again, why? There is no need to talk. We-”

“The Order of Kamar Taj,” said Stephen, neatly interrupting him and pretending he did not have a clue what Tony thought they were going to be talking about. 

The brunet blinked. “Pardon?”

“The Order I am part of. We have been on Earth for a number of years, working and doing what we need to do in complete secrecy.”

“Which is...”

“Protecting the world from any mystical threat. Defend the natural order of the world. Keeping the Yellowstone dormant. Keeping England from drowning,” he shrugged. “To name a few.”

Tony seemed to consider this for a second. “So like... you are the Avengers but for natural catastrophes and magical mumbo jumbo with less press?”

Stephen couldn’t help but grimace. “If you want to insist on using those terms.”

“Oh I do.” He smiled at him and then nodded. “Okay, so you want me to keep Wong’s name out of this? I’d offer to delete yours too, but well, you were well known. And the second someone caught a picture of you standing next to me it wasn’t hard to identify you.”

“No, I expected that. They haven’t gotten a shot of Wong?”

Tony winced slightly. “They saw you and me standing next to each other. They have like one picture of Bruce. Everything else is just... me. And you. And me & you.”

_ Me & you. _

Tony & Stephen.

Tony cleared his throat and Stephen snapped back to attention. “Okay, so I’ll deal with making sure you are an unaffiliated Avenger. A normal sorcerer. I’ll say the same thing I said when Charles helped me back last year, it’ll be fine. FRI, make a note of that too.”

He was clearly dismissed, but Stephen did not move, instead watching Tony work. Everyone had managed to get time to shower and eat, but as far as he had seen, Tony had been running around the Compound dealing with everything  _ but  _ himself. Even when he had offered Loki and Nebula hot chocolate, he had made them some and then exchanged a couple of words with his head bent over his Stark Pad.

“Tony,” he called, watching the brunet with a frown. “When did you last sleep?”

“Don’t worry, Doc. I have gone longer without sleep, I’ll be fine-”

“That was not my question.” Tony stubbornly didn’t look up. “Tony you were just in a battle for your life and then you went off and fought some more aliens. You stabbed Thanos in the neck, and you’ve been running around the Compound for the past five hours. You need to rest.”

Tony looked at him. “I know, but if I don’t do this now-”

“Then you’ll be able to do it after a couple of hours of rest. A minimum sleep cycle is 120 minutes,” coaxed him Stephen. “Trust me, I’m a doctor.”

Tony snorted. “That excuse stopped working nine years ago.”

Stephen smiled too. “Maybe, but I’m right,” he said, taking the Stark Pad from his hands. “Just give yourself an hour and half. And then you can kill yourself with work all you want.”

“Says you,” complained Tony, but he wasn’t tensing or actively struggling as the Cloak helped him lay down on the couch. “You are the biggest workaholic I know.”

“What are you talking about?” He waved his scarred hands in Tony’s face. “I’m unemployed.”

Tony let out a startled laugh then covered his mouth. “Oh wow. That was dark.”

_ But it made you laugh _ , thought Stephen. Though he didn’t say it, opening a portal and pulling out a blanket. 

Yes, it was his own blanket. No, him giving it to Tony meant nothing.

The genius accepted it easily enough, still not completely unappeased. “If someone needs me-”

“FRIDAY will call Pepper or Rhodey and if they deem it serious, they’ll call you.”

“And if something happens-”

“We have the Guardians of the Galaxy and War Machine and Captain Marvel and me and even Loki,” he fixed the blanket on him. “Now go to sleep.” He bent over towards Tony and then froze.

His intention was to give him a kiss on the forehead. A simple goodnight kiss.

But  _ could  _ he? It had been years. Sure they had kissed twice in the space of one day, but they were pumped with adrenaline both times. It was very different from a goodnight kiss.

Tony’s eyes were trained on his face, but he didn’t shout at him. Or slap him. Instead he closed his eyes, pointedly.

Stephen felt a little smile on his face and leant in fully kissing him gently on the forehead. “Goodnight, Tony.”

He stood up, and opened a portal, but not before hearing Tony answer him, just as softly. “Goodnight, Stephanie.”

Wong looked up when Stephen crossed the portal, relaxing instantly when he saw the Eye still around his neck. “I take it everything went alright?”

“No,” groaned Stephen, flopping onto their couch once the portal was closed.

He felt the older man step next to him, obviously worried. “You lost the Time Stone?”

“No, it’s still in the Eye.”

“Thanos is still alive?”

“No, we decapitated him.” 

“Someone worse is coming?”

“Not that we know, no.”

Wong paused. “I’m confused.”

Stephen let out a loud groan. “Tony Stark.”

“Oh.” He said, and was  _ amusement  _ in his voice? “He slapped you again?”

“I wish!” That would have made things  _ easier _ . “He kissed me!” 

Another pause from Wong. “I think I am missing some parts of the story. A tub of Hunka-Hulka Burning Fudge?”

Couldn’t he see Stephen was in pain? “Two tubs.”

“Oh boy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **tony:** parents people with an iron fist
> 
> **loki and thor:** Queen Frigga All-Mother?!?!?!


	7. you’re approaching denial - population: two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **tony making fun of thor:** loool you missed what a clown  
>  **team cap:** makes fun of thor  
>  **tony:** what the fuck. what the fuck. what the hell is your problem? who DO YOU _THINK YOU ARE?!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi its my birthday so you get an extra chapter today 
> 
> when i say battle reconstruction I'm talking about something like in Iron Man 3, when Tony reconstructs the image of where Happy was blown up

“Really?” was the first Tony heard when Rhodey walked into his room that morning.

Tony looked away from the mirror at his best friend with a deep frown. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he huffed, fixing a particularly obstinate part of his hair. 

“You are doing your hair,”

“I do my hair all the time-”

“You put on make up,”

“It’s concealer because I was feeling  _ insecure  _ about my bruises, Rhodey!”

“You’re wearing your tightest press trousers,”

“Sometimes a man just wants to feel sexy!”

“And your tie is shockingly familiar,” and okay. Tony didn’t have an explanation for the tie that wasn’t ‘it felt right’.

Sure, if we stopped and thought about it, it was odd that he decided, after nine years, to unearth the tie Stephen had given him on their first Christmas together. But it wasn’t that big of a deal. He had just seen, completely accidentally, of course, a pretty patterned tie in the corner of his wardrobe hidden behind a bunch of clothes in a small safe containing presents from Stephen that he had never fully been able to throw away. Complete accident. It was no biggie.

So he didn’t reply to that last part of sentence, and double checked his goatee. “Well, I think this will do, I suppose.” He turned to Rhodey. “What do you think?”

His best friend was not as dressed up as him - had not even bothered with a suit in fact. “Is this a way to one up Steve’s depression beard? And where is your suit jacket?”

Oh, that piqued Tony’s interest. “Depression beard?” he asked, stepping out of the room with him.

Now Rhodey looked more amused and less judging. “Oh yeah. When he came the other day to help it took everything in me not to laugh in his face. He has a whole big depression beard on him and even his suit looked dirty as fuck. I don’t think T’Challa is helping them as much as we thought at the beginning. That, or the divorce is still hitting him very hard.”

“Good,” said Tony, letting a grin curl his lips. What? He was a petty man and his ex suffering brought him nothing but joy.

What do you mean Stephen’s suffering didn’t bring him any joy? Well, that was simply different. How? It simply  _ was _ , dammit!

“Oh wow,” said Quill the moment Rhodey and Tony stepped into the living room. “I thought we were going to a meeting, not a fashion show?”

Tony grabbed a coffee from the machine, ignoring the way he could feel Quill - and Drax’s, oddly enough - eyes trained on his ass. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. This is a normal effort for me. Speaking of, FRI, the jackets?”

“ _All ready, Boss_ ,” trilled the AI, just in time for some electronic arms to appear in the walls of the Compounds and eliciting screams out of the Guardians. Well, except for Gamora and Nebula, who pulled out swords immediately. 

“Hey, put those away. FRIDAY made us all matching jackets!”

Rhodey’s judgemental eyes returned. “Matching jackets?”

“Not for you,” huffed Tony, as the guardians and everyone else accepted the jackets being handed towards them. Even Loki took his. “Only for Team Titan.”

Quill sighed, even as he put on the jacket. “So the name is staying?”

“I’m sorry  _ Star Lord  _ of the  _ Guardians of the Galaxy _ ,” said Tony, dragging those name longer than necessary. “Were you saying something?”

“Ah!” said the Raccoon, and seeing a raccoon talk would forever be the oddest thing ever for Tony. And he had just been in space and fought an angry grape! “I told you your name was stupid.”

“Well you’re stupid, Trash Panda!”

“You said it again!”

“Children,” sighed Tony, putting on his own jackets. “Has everyone had breakfast yet?”

“Yes,” came Vision’s voice, as the android approached them. He was a little nervous looking as he stopped beside Tony. “I made breakfast for everyone this morning. And made sure there were no coffee grounds in the sink.”

“You didn’t have to, but thank you. Well done, Viz,” said Tony, pulling him down and pressing a kiss on his forehead. The android immediately relaxed at that and floated away more happily than before.

He heard Groot whisper something before Rocket answered with, “No, I am not sure he’s aware he has an Infinity Stone in his forehead. He is too mellow.”

“Are you kidding?” whispered Quill back. “Mellow or not, Infinity Stone or not, if your mom tells you to go to your room,  _ you go to your room _ . If Thanos’ mom showed up and told him to go to his room and put the gauntlet down, even  _ he  _ would have listened!”

Why did everyone assume  _ he  _ was Vision’s mom? Even Vision had assumed that at the beginning, until Tony had convinced to either call him father or call him Tony. If they wanted to be specific, the mother would either be Cho, who made the body, or Ultron. Hell, even Jarvis.

But no! Vision came out of the cradle, looked at Tony and decided he would be his mother.

“Alright,” said Tony, clapping his hands again. “We cannot all go. Lokes, Nebs, DC, here take these,” he said throwing buttons in their direction. “Which means Guardians, I’m handpicking those of you who can.”

“Excuse me, you’re not our-” started Rocket, and Tony turned his glare on him. “But then again this is your planet, we follow your lead!”

“Good. Alright the people with the buttons  _ have  _ to come.”

“What do the buttons say?” asked Thor, trying to read his brother’s.

Loki grinned at him like a shark. “Official Thanos Killer.”

“Don’t worry, Point Break,” said Tony, deceptively nonchalant. “I have one for you too.”

Thor relaxed, catching the button thrown towards him. “Oh,  _ thank you.  _ Finally someone who appreciates that-” he read the button. “Seriously?”

Even Carol was intrigued. “What does it say?”

“ _ I went to kill Thanos, missed, and all I got was this button _ ,” read Loki and everyone bursted into laughter while Thor pouted harder than ever before.

Tony hid his laughter and focused again. “So yeah, OTK people have to come. Thor, you too as King of Asgard. Rhodey, as you were liaising with Rogers you have to come too. Brucey, you have a choice.”

“Absolutely not,” immediately said the scientist. “But I can give you a voice note you can play for Ross, in case he gets too cocky.”

“And that’s why I love you,” answered Tony, sending a kiss his way. “Quill and Gamora. You up for representing the Guardians? I need Quill to make them relax and Gamora to realise that aliens are  _ really really  _ real and also could kill them if they don’t behave.”

“What about the wizard?” asked Quill, frowning around himself.

Rhodey crossed his arms and glanced down at Tony very pointedly. Thank god Tony had grown immune to such looks by now. “He’ll portal himself there or something, not that I care. Team Titan, let’s roll!”

+++

When they walked in, the room fell silent immediately.

Thanks to Thor’s insistence on using the Bifrost - because Tony would seriously murder someone if he heard Rocket call his tech basic  _ one more time  _ \- it didn’t take the TT-DD (Team Titan - Debrief Division) long to land in front of the new Triskelion.

They cut a scary image for sure, but the moment the people of DC who saw them appear spotted Tony, Thor and Rhodey they let out sighs of relief, snapping pictures left and right that would definitely make them trend on twitter in a matter of seconds.

Which was why the leathers helped. That way it wasn’t ‘Avengers’ trending but Team Titan. See? Tony knew how to play the media and he was not above being a petty bitch.

Therefore he had already assigned everyone a spot when the doors of the conference room opened by themselves - thank you dramatic magic bitches Stephen and Loki for your service - and the image they cut was striking.

Rhodey was standing to Tony’s right while Thor stood to his left. Loki and Gamora were standing right behind them, both of them seemingly unarmed but Tony knew better. Nebula and Quill were behind the two, and Nebula had not even pretended to put away her sword. Tony was positive there was still a bit of Thanos’ blood on them. Stephen and Carol were at the very back, seemingly the most harmless and human of the bunch, but anyone who had been in Wakanda knew better. And all of them had their matching cool as shit jackets.

Even Stephen had accepted the leather jacket Tony had handed him when they arrived, which made Tony appreciate his new found biceps at a whole new level. He kept it lowkey though - even if Rhodey just shook his head at him resolutely - and no one noticed he was a step away from drooling.

“Hello,” said Tony, smiling smugly at Ross and the various suits sitting around and for the moment ignoring the screens. He put down his coffee on the table and sat down, his team sitting down with him in perfect sync. No they hadn’t rehearsed it. They were just _that_ cool. “Hope you didn’t have to wait too long.”

“Tony,” came a voice from the screens and Tony pretended not to hear him, instead crossing his legs and smiling with teeth showing.

“Should we proceed?”

Honestly. With all the planning he had done, Tony had this in the bag.

+++

Tony did not have this in the bag.

Everything had been going well, with the description of who Thanos was - and a very pointed ‘ _I told you so_ ’ from Tony that everyone had chuckled awkwardly about - and why they had decided to take the fight to him instead of risking the lives of Earth citizen. Everyone had nodded in full support, even Ross, though he looked like he had sucked a lemon while doing so.

So everything was going well. No one had protested Loki yet, and then Tony had offered the reconstruction of the battle to share with them, so that they could all see footage of everything that had happened from the arrival of the donut to their fight in Wakanda.

No biggie right?

Except Tony forgot how young FRIDAY was. He had told her to make sure to blur Wong and Peter’s faces and voices, as to not give them away, and also edit out any information regarding Peter and who he was, but he hadn’t told her to delete any of the other footage. And she had not taken the initiative either.

And so Tony, had to sit horrified as everyone watched him and Stephen bickering on the ship before Stephen grabbed him and kissed him.

"What the fuck-"

“Oh my,” said Loki behind them while Rhodey had fully turned around and was glaring Stephen to death. 

Tony refused to even blink in anyone’s direction. “Uh, let’s just skip this part, a little,” he managed, skipping all the way until the Guardians arrived on the ship.

And again things went well. He heard Rhodey and Rogers - who Tony still refused to make eye contact with - loudly scoffing when Quill was flirting with him and what sounded like Gamora slapping the space pirate, and then Tony trying to reason with the Guardians.

And then Tony was tensing again, eye twitching slightly as he watched himself fuss over Stephen, pulling out a handkerchief and dabbing the man's forehead like a fair maiden in Victorian Era. Now Rhodey’s suspicious stare was on him.

Had he really done that? Acted like a devoted wife taking care of her husband? And had Stephen  _ let  _ him? He couldn’t fully blame Stephen but still. He should have kicked Tony the second he had said ‘Stephanie’, not let him get away with it!

And what was it with the way he kept staring at Tony on film? It was a little too... sweet for Tony’s liking. A little too ‘I am drowning and you are my anchor’. Tony liked it a little too much for his own tastes.

Then the fight with Thanos started, and he could see the way even the suits looked vaguely afraid as they watched how it took the combined might of everyone to take him down and even then they had almost not made it.

“You  _ missed _ ?” came Natasha’s voice from one of those screens and Thor pretended not to hear her.

Which good. Only Team Titan got to make fun of him for that. Shame on her.

The Avengers didn’t have the right-

Oh shit. Right. Then Tony kissed Stephen.

Rhodey’s eyes were burning a hole next to him. “Seriously?” 

“Tony?” came Rogers' wounded tone and whatever. What did  _ he  _ have to feel wounded about? It was none of his business who Tony did or didn’t kiss.

He did cease his pathetic sad whimpering when Tony and Thor were talking and Tony claimed he lied.

“You tried to kill Bucky!” he immediately said and finally Tony turned to look at him.

Yikes. He did _not_ look good. He truly  _ did  _ have a depression beard, and he did not look like he had time to have a shower.

It made Tony feel much better about having all these people see him kiss Stephen.

“Can you be quiet? We are trying to debrief here? This is not the time, Grant,” he said, turning away before Steve could get hopeful and start talking more.

After that awkwardness, things got much easier, since it was just the Battle of Wakanda and Team Titan kicking ass.

All he needed was to deal with the suits and make sure he didn’t accidentally make out with Stephen again. How hard could it possibly be? After all having everyone watch him kiss Stephen, arguing with a bunch of politicians was _Heaven_.

* * *

Stephen Strange was in hell.

First he had to arrive at the Triskelion facility just in time to see Tony and the rest of the team arriving. Not that he was paying much attention to said rest of the team, not with the particular combination of the tie that Stephen  _ knew  _ he had given Tony as a Christmas present in ‘09 and what could quite possibly be the tightest press conference trousers Tony owned. And on top of that he was wearing a fucking leather jacket. He looked positively edible in his ensemble, and Stephen was ready to bet some of the people who walked into doors and walls at the team's arrival did so because Tony looked _too_ fucking sexy.

Then he had to sit at the back but still not far enough that he didn’t realise what a bad idea it was when Tony begun showing reconstructed full videos of everything. But he was too far to tell him what was going to happen, and Danvers just looked at him curiously when he started shifting around on his chair.

And then the videos were shown and Stephen had made his best impression of playing dead when both Rhodes, Loki, Quill, some of the politicians and Rogers turned to look at him, some amused, some suspicious and one outright murderous. Which fuck him. He left two years ago, what did  _ he  _ have to be mad about?

It did give him momentarily glee to watch with everyone as Tony fussed over him like a nineteenth century maiden, especially when Rogers looked like he had eaten a lemon and looked at the ground like a kicked dog. Though his own expression on tape was a little too obvious, if the way Rhodey kept shooting him assessing looks from his position at the front was anything to go by.

The man stopped glaring/staring at him when  _ Tony  _ kissed him right after the battle though, so thank you for small mercies. Stephen had not really allowed himself to think about any possible connotation of the kiss, but he could say, as a totally unbiased third party, that it looked like one of those epic kisses at the end of every battle. If this was a movie, he’d even say that him and Tony were clearly endgame here.

After that, he had the torturous pleasure of watching Tony in his element as he ever so politely - read: not at all - told the suits exactly where they could go if they seriously believed Tony would hand the Infinity Stones to them. The suits - especially Ross - clearly were not happy about losing such incredibly powerful objects, but there wasn’t anything they could actually  _ do _ .

They could try and set the government or the military on them and demand Tony hand it over, but Tony was currently sitting at the table with at the very least five other aliens, one of which had already tried to take over Earth, another one who had a bloody sword still attached to her person, one who was a King in his own right, and they didn’t even  _ know  _ where Tony was keeping the stones. They could not afford to make an enemy of Tony, and they realised it pretty quickly when Tony shot down all of their proposals with laughs, eye rolls and snorts and instead gave them his own  _ demands. _

It might, quite possibly, be the sexiest thing he had ever seen Tony do in his life. And even Rogers seemed to think so, given his eyes had been glued to Tony the entire time.

And then Tony had to go and defend Stephen and Wong and remind everyone that enhanced that did not normally use their powers weren’t prosecutable, quoting sections of the Accords by memory and threatening them with a lawsuit on civil rights that would very easily land because 'I am sure you _do_ remember who Doctor Stephen Strange is?'.

His pants had never felt so tight.

So see? Hell.

By the time they had managed to get out of the meeting, Danvers had become Carol and was patting his shoulder, amused understanding in her eyes, while Stephen tried not to cry. “There, there. It could have been worse.”

“Could it?” he asked, as they were enveloped by the familiar feel of the Bifrost and sent back to the front of the Compound. “Could it really?”

“Okay!” said Tony, pulling off his jacket and revealing a white shirt under it that was much tighter than it needed to be. All showing off his small waist and his fucking arms and oh my god. “Who’s ready to party?”

Carol snorted and Stephen whined louder. “Oh, it's worse. It really is worse.”

+++

The party was everything Tony could have possibly asked for.

Vision was having a great time - and yes, he was aware that grounded people didn’t get to go to parties. But then again, Vision had very nearly  _ died  _ and if the party was at the Compound it would be too mean to have him in locked in his room - and even Peter and May had decided to show up.

The Guardians were obviously having the time of their lives and so were Thor, Loki and a woman named Valkyrie. She had arrived a little after them, to confirm with Thor where he wanted the ship with the 876 remaining Aesir and 312 slaves to remain.

And she had looked both so sad at the remainder of her lost people and gleamed at the alcohol that Rocket had somehow produced, that Tony had offered her to stay. Bruce also seemed to like her, and Tony honestly couldn’t wait to hear that story.

Even Wong was swaying along to Rihanna’s S&M.

So yeah, everyone was having fun. And yet, he still, somehow, inexplicably, found himself drawn to where Stephen was hiding out in the kitchen, a small glass of wine in his hands as he was muttering something to his Cloak.

“Listen, you prick, things like that are delicate and I can’t just tell him that- Oh, hey. Tony,” he said, straightening up when he saw Tony walking inside. The hands holding the glass shook slightly.

“Hiding from the party?” asked Tony, opening up a cupboard and pulling some more cranberry juice for himself.

“It’s a great party,” said the sorcerer, shrugging. “Just a little tired, I guess.”

Now it was Tony’s turn to look at him in suspicion. “Did you sleep last night?”

Stephen waved him off. “I slept fine. That’s not what’s on my mind.” He managed, eyes darting towards Tony and then leaving him again.

Right. Even if Tony would have liked to pretend it never happened, they had  _ just  _ seen the footage again today. Tony had totally initiated the second kiss, for a number of reasons that he was not interested in examining. 

“But adrenaline,” he said, after a couple of seconds.

Stephen nodded so fast his head might snap off. “Right. Stressful situation.”

“The most normal reaction.”

“It makes sense.”

“And arguments.”

“Kissing happens.”

“Not a big deal.”

They looked at each other for a couple of seconds. “So we agree that it was just a stressful day, and not a pattern or something?”

Tony smiled brightly at him, clicking their glasses together. “Agreed.”

+++

Tony woke up in bed with Stephen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **men:** look at tony more than once  
>  **rhodey:** *older brother setting activated*


	8. lesson #283: don't sleep with your ex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **stephen strange:** *is nice to tony*  
>  **tony:** my crops are watered, my skin is clear, I have gained 10 years, my ass is perky, the sun is shining, I have 20/20 vision, happiness is a state of mind and my depression is cured  
>  **stephen strange:** *ignores one (1) phone call from tony*  
>  **tony:** we have been forsaken by our lord above and blue eyed men are nothing but a bane to my existence and humanity's. I will discuss this in a brief essay, (page 1/7649)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bitchy 90s trio carolrhodeytony  
> bitchy 90s trio carolrhodeytony  
> bitchy 90s trio carolrhodeytony  
> bitchy 90s trio carolrhodeytony!!!
> 
> also in this au there is no pepperony sorry fellas

“Thank you for agreeing to gather here at such short notice,” said Tony gravelly, putting down his mug of coffee on the kitchen counter.

Carol put her head on her arm and let a yawn. “We didn’t, you just woke us up and dragged us here,” she complained.

Tony sent her a glare. “I do not have time for a history lesson, Danvers. This is serious business.”

Rhodey straightened up slightly. “How serious.”

The brunet made eye contact with him. “Incredibly important,” he said, finally sitting down. “Okay. So. Yesterday. Something happened.”

“Something bad?” asked Carol idly drinking her own coffee. 

A complicated expression came over the man’s face. “I don’t know. Which is why I need your expertise.”

Rhodey put his hand on Tony, serious now. “Hey man. Whatever you need.” His expression got softer. “Is it Peter?”

His best friend frowned at him. “What? No, Happy drove him and May home yesterday. Peter’s fine. It’s about  _ me _ . I did something... bad?”

“Bad?”

He let out a groan. “I don’t know! I think I  _ should  _ think that it’s bad, but I don’t know for sure and I don’t -”

“Tony, buddy, it’s 7 am in the morning,” begged Carol. “Just say what exactly you did. I’m sure it’s not as big an issue as you’re making it to be.”

“I slept with Stephen last night,” blurted out the shorter man and then drained his mug in one go.

The complete and utter silence lasted for exactly 10 seconds before Rhodey’s expression lost all his seriousness. “Really?  _ This  _ is why you dragged me out of bed so early? This is-”

“A disaster!” said Carol, now fully awake. Rhodey blinked at her, but her attention was fully on Tony. “Tony how  _ could you _ ! He’s your ex! You don’t sleep with your  _ ex  _ at a  _ party _ !”

“I know!” whined Tony, putting his head between his hands. And he did. He knew it was, theoretically a bad idea. “I didn’t mean to! We were in the kitchen talking about the kiss and trying to move past it, and then we were suddenly making out and one thing led to another.”

Carol shook her head in disapproval. “That was not a smart move. Were you drunk? Perhaps we can-”

He looked at her miserably. “I don’t drink anymore. Unless you can get drunk on cranberry juice...”

“Him?”

“One single glass of wine.”

“Shit,” said Carol. 

Rhodey was looking between the two of them like they had lost their minds. “Seriously?”

“Sh,” hushed him the blonde, “This is serious business.”

“Tony sleeps with people he finds hot all the time,” complained the colonel. “And so what if he’s his ex? He just found him hot and wanted to jump him because they hadn’t seen each other in a couple of years. There is no need-”

“Tony,” suddenly said Carol. Tony had started looking around shiftily the second Rhodey had started speaking and that made her suspicious. Tony avoided her eyes, but he still felt the second her eyes widened in shock. “Wait a second.”

“I didn’t mean to!”

“Tony!” she snapped. “This is more serious than you’re making it out to be!”

“I don’t think he even realised, and I stopped when I did! He probably didn’t even notice and-”

“What’s going on now!” For someone who was complaining that much, Tony felt like Rhodey was awfully interested. “Tony? Carol?”

“He didn’t  _ just  _ sleep with him,” said Carol, and Tony tried to unsuccessfully disappear in his seat. “No, he did something worse.”

And finally Rhodey seemed to comprehend the seriousness of the situation, seen as his eyes also widened in realisation. “No.”

“Yup.”

“Tones, tell me you didn’t!”

Tony only whined in response.

“You  _ cuddled  _ him?!”

In his defence, Tony would like the people to consider how natural hugging and physical interaction was to him. He liked cuddles and kisses and the whole shebang. He cuddled people he barely even know, if the time presented itself - example, Bruce, Nebula, Loki.

But he knew that post sex cuddles meant something a little bit more. It was a taciturn agreement that the sex wasn’t the only thing amazing about that night. It meant ‘yeah I loved having sex with  _ you _ ’ instead of just ‘I loved having sex’. A very subtle difference.

And normally, Tony was good with that. He could count on one hand the number of time he had accidentally cuddled someone after sex. He used to be a playboy, he knew how to run from commitment.

But maybe his brain screwed him up, thinking that it was still eight years ago. He had probably gotten confused by being at a party with Stephen and muscle memory had suddenly acted up and forced his unconscious form to cuddle against Stephen. Already his tongue seemed unable to call him anything other than Stephanie. It was hardly his fault!

Rhodey didn’t seem to agree. “First you kiss him after the battle-”

“It was an adrenaline rush,” tried the engineer but both Carol and Rhodey gave him unbelieving stares.

“Adrenaline doesn’t work like that, and you know it.” Pointed out the blonde and Tony hid his face in his arms once more. “Anyway, first you kiss him and then you sleep with him and then you  _ cuddle after sex _ . Tony-”

It was her hesitation that made him look up, and she was looking at him much more closely than before. “Once is an accident. Twice is a coincidence. Three times, it’s a pattern.” 

He kept his mouth shut and her expression went even more analysing than before. “Tony. And I want you to be honest. What are your feelings for Stephen?”

And wasn’t that the question.

Because at this point, Tony had absolutely no idea. 

For a long time, he had thought Stephen was his. That Stephen was  _ it  _ for him. Two years they had dated and Tony had had a ring hidden in a wardrobe for one of them, just waiting to pop the question.

And then one day Stephen had walked away. Simply told him that he couldn’t do it anymore and left him. And okay, Tony understood, all right? He was a handful. He had been lying to Stephen about the palladium poisoning. He had nearly died at the hands of Vanko. It was obvious that Stephen was afraid of someone going after him. And considering he didn’t take his wardrobe with him, Tony was pretty sure he had seen the ring and knew Tony was planning to propose.

Still... it had hurt. He had spent the next two years basically a monk, unable to even think about sex with another person. And for those two years, he did not hear a word from Stephen.

Sure, he knew where he was, and he knew he was fine. But they didn’t speak, and Tony didn’t call him first.

And then the aftermath of the Invasion and Steve. In a matter of hours he had gotten to know one of his childhood heroes and Stephen had decided to text him once more. To check that he was still alive.

And with Steve blushing like a virgin every time Tony flirted with him, and his relationship with Stephen turning into a tame basically online friendship, Tony had let go.

For a while things went well. He and Steve got engaged, and Stephen sent him a fruit basket. When they got married, Steve told him not to invite Stephen, but Tony did anyway. Stephen did not show up, citing a family problem, and Tony hadn’t even hacked his calendar to check. He had accepted that their friendship wouldn’t progress past texts.

And then Ultron happened and while Sokovia was falling, Stephen was caught in a car crash. His relationship with Steve started showing its first cracks and Tony had to deal with JARVIS’ death, Vision’s birth, Sokovia, the team’s broken trust, Bruce was missing and it was just so _much_. He had gone to the hospital to check on Stephen and the other man had shouted at him. Told him to get out.

And Tony had gone, because it was so much. Everything was falling apart and it hurt and he didn’t know what else to do.

He regretted it a lot in next three years, where Stephen simply  _ disappeared _ . He had tried texting him, but FRIDAY discovered pretty early on he had sold his phone for more money to blow up on surgeries that wouldn’t work.

And then suddenly, out of nowhere, Stephen was back, and he was  _ also  _ a superhero, and now Steve and him weren’t together anymore, and Tony’s head was confused. Did he just find him sexy? Did he want to kiss him? Was he still mad at him? Was he unconsciously trying to make Steve jealous? 

“I don’t know,” he said, shaking his head dispassionately. “I don’t know what I want. What should I do?”

“You should call him.” Said Rhodey and Tony looked at him in surprise. His best friend’s gaze was steady. “I think you should call him.”

"What?"

Even Carol looked curiously at him and Rhodey sighed. "I never liked Steve Rogers, and you know that," he started and Tony suppressed a snort. That was true. His platypus had smelt the deal before Tony had, but past Tony was a horny dumbass who had not resisted the 'aw shucks' Brooklyn charm. He shuddered, listening to the other man once more. "But Stephen... Tony you and Stephen were great together. You two were two raging rich assholes with more money than you knew what to do with and egos of the size of Earth-"

"Hey!" It was true, but he didn't need to _say_ it!

"But in a weird and baffling way, you two just _fit._ He understood you and you understood him. You guys were just _great_ together." Rhodey gave him a small smile. "You two were happy together."

Tony let out a small sigh, trying not to smile at the memories. "We were, weren't we?"

His best friend nodded. "I still don't know why he walked away and why you let him. And I'm always on _your_ side first. _And_ I liked him more when I thought my little brother was with a good doctor." He made an mock stern face. "Sorcerers don't make any money!"

Both Tony and Carol laughed, and Rhodey's lip twitched in a smile, before turning more serious. "I think he made you happy," he finally said, voice soft. "So you should call him."

Rhodey _had_ been there after all. The entire time, the man had stood at his side,  the full eight years. He had seen it all the good, the bad and the dirty, the breakdowns and the euphoria, with both Steve and Stephen.

Just a phone call.

That was easy enough. 

No problem.

+++

Three hours later, Tony finally gathered the wits to place the phone call, and pressed the green call icon. 

It wasn’t the phone call itself that scared him. He wasn’t scared. He wasn’t nervous.

He just did not have the fucking clue on how to even start the conversation. He had tried in his mind for more than an hour, trying to predict how the conversation would go, what should he open with and he still was not sure if he shouldn’t just drop the entire thing.

And then the call was picked up. 

That was fast. That was faster than he thought. “Oh. Hey, Doc. What’s up-”

“Tony. Can’t talk,” he said and then  _ ended the call _ .

Tony pulled the phone from his ear and stared at it blankly.

He had dismissed him. Hung up on his face.

Hung up on him.

_ On him?! He hung up on him?! _

HOW DARE HE!

Who the  _ hell  _ did he think he was to just hang up on him? What was he doing that was so important to hang up on him? Not even an explanation? Nothing just bam? Dial tone?

“Anthony?” asked Loki, frowning at him from the couch.

Him, Nebula, Vision and Peter were sharing breakfast among themselves, but had turned to look at him with matching worried expressions. “Are you okay?”

“I’m peachy,” he said, very much aware that he was  _ not  _ peachy. Did he think he was special? Did he not know Tony could go outside and get whatever man he wanted? He was  _ Tony fucking Stark _ . Stephen was just another man in a sea of useless men. Tony could open the door in nothing but a rubbish bag and thousands of men would _throw_ themselves at him! “Actually you know what? I’m not just peachy. I’m mega-fucking-tastick.”

Peter exchanged a look with Vision. “Okay...”

“You know why? Because I’m single. I’m a single man in the prime of his life and any man would be  _ lucky  _ to have me!” he ranted walking up to them. “But don’t trust them. You cannot trust men because all they want is to ruin your life. Men are terrible and insidious, and the taller they are, the more  _ dangerous  _ they are.” Vision and Peter, used to these rants, nodded sagely. Loki and Nebula looked perplexed, though Nebula seemed interested in jotting down Tony's pearls of wisdom. “Short men, you can trust. Look at Rhodey. But tall men? Oh no. And tall men with blue eyes? Those are the  _ worst of the worst.  _ They prey on the innocent and destroy their hearts and leave them with nothing to their names because they are savage beasts.”

Nebula raised a hand, intrigued. “Hair colour?”

“Blonds,” immediately answered Tony shaking his head. “All men with blue eyes are dangerous, but if you see one with blond hair  _ and  _ blue eyes? You run. Either you stab him as fast as you can or you run and never look back.”

Loki seemed to think about it for a second, then nodded, a strange glint in his eyes. “Blonds with blue eyes  _ should  _ be stabbed.”

“Yes. To protect ourselves - to protect the world, really! - because they are  _ dangerous.  _ Sometimes they hide it by acting like they are brave and smart and gentle, but it’s all a lie! Actually, I think if someone is born with blue eyes, they should be castrated at birth. Only after they have shown to be normal human being capable of loving someone without hurting them we should-” his phone pinged. Tony took it out of his pocket again, and a smile blossomed on his face. “Oh, never mind, he texted me back. He was in another dimension and didn’t want the call to disconnect, awh, isn’t he the sweetest?” 

He sat down on the couch and opened the text to reply to it just as Thor walked into the room.

“Good morning every… one? Loki, Nebula, why are you looking at me like that? And why do you have daggers in your hands?”

* * *

“Stephen.”

The doctor peered up from where his phone, finding Wong looking a little...  _ fishy _ . He was on the alert immediately. “What happened.”

For past couple of hours, Stephen had been texting and rereading the texts him and Tony had exchanged. It was shocking how  _ easy  _ it was for them to find their usual rhythm once again but Stephen wasn’t about to complain. It made him warm and fuzzy and all those disgustingly soft emotions.

So Wong looking at him with that strangely pitying look? It made Stephen’s hackles rise. “What happened?”

Wong sighed, and the television was turned on. The sound was off - they really needed a new TV - but there was a breaking news banner that was still very easily read. And what Stephen read?

What Stephen read was enough to not even make him think before he was pulling out a sling ring out of his pocket and creating a portal directly into the Compound, startling several of the people in the living room.

Rhodey was looking at him with a strange frown that Stephen really did not have time to figure out. “Where is Tony?”

The strange expression smoothed into an even  _ stranger  _ expression - considering he had gotten used to receiving nothing but glares from Tony’s best friend. Even Danvers appeared surprised and then slightly satisfied. “In the kitchen. He’s talking to a guy named Xavier.” Stephen’s face must have done something, cause she quickly clarified. “Charles Xavier. A telepath. He is very old. White hair and all.”

“Right,” he managed, quickly moving towards the kitchen, ignoring everyone else. 

Was he being that obvious? Had everyone already caught on to the fact that Stephen was not quite as over Tony as he had made it to be? Had  _ Tony _ ? Was that why he had slept with Stephen? Was it a pity fuck?

He didn’t think it was. He was about 89% sure that he and Tony had  _ cuddled  _ after sleeping together. But he was just as aware that Tony had left before Stephen had even woken up, leaving him a card that said he was dealing with Pepper and Thor. And that was confusing. Because Tony always left notes like that, back when they were dating and he was still CEO. Notes about where he was, and when he would get back and some dirty limericks an eight years old would be proud of.

He didn’t do that for random hook-ups. But then again, the note wasn’t signed as it usually was either, so Stephen did not know.

He had left Tony, after all. After the palladium poisoning, after Vanko... Stephen got scared. He got scared about the idea of losing Tony, scared that one day Tony would walk out of that door in his suit and return in a coffin. Because no matter what he did, no matter how hard he strived to be better, people from his and his father’s past continued to come after him because of imaginary and small slights. Tony could have forgotten to tip someone and bam! Supervillain intent on the destruction of the world.

And Stephen got scared and when one got scared, one got stupid. And he was stupid, stupid enough to tell Tony that he ‘couldn’t do this anymore’. 

And Tony had not even blinked. Had not begged, had not cried. He just seemed resigned, like he had seen this coming, like he knew this would happen. He had just accepted it and Stephen had run from California and back to New York, leaving half of his stuff behind because at this point most of his things were Stephen&Tony things, and his heart would not be able to handle seeing them all the time.

“Stephen?” called Tony’s voice, and he looked up to see the brunet sitting on the kitchen counter the phone in his hands but the call over. His expression was exhausted but he still smiled. “What are you doing here?”

“The Rogues are getting their pardons,” he answered, and Tony’s eyes betrayed his unease and distaste about the situation. “Do you  _ have  _ to have them stay at the Compound?”

“I am Tony Stark, I don’t  _ have  _ to do anything,” he huffed. “But right now, there is a narrative being pushed. The public knows the real fight happened in Wakanda and while the rest of the world still disagrees, America thinks its time to get their heroes back. They saw the footage, they know  _ they  _ were there too, before we arrived. They, theoretically, helped.”

They were talking about the Rogues. About how to deal with them. That was the conversation. But when Stephen opened his mouth, the words jumped out of his throat of their own accord.

“Why did you let me leave?”

If Tony was startled by the direction the conversation went, he did not show. He shrugged. “You wanted to leave.”

And the question that had threatened to smother him for the first two years in which neither of them spoke to each other also jumped out of him. “Did you want me to leave?”

The genius’ expression got softer that Stephen had seen it in a while. “Stephen... I was in love with you.”  _ Was _ . “No, I did not want you to leave. But I understood. You were tired of having to look behind you everywhere you went and-”

Woo woo woo. Let’s backtrack a second. “What?”

“What what?”

“Tony. Why do you think I left?” he asked, a nasty feeling settling in his chest.

The brunet shrugged, but his eyes were tight. “You, and I quote, couldn’t do this anymore.”

“Meaning?”

“Why are you asking  _ me _ the meaning of your words?” complained Tony, but Stephen refused to raise to the bait, staring him down. “Meaning you were scared that one of the bad guys coming after me would end up coming after you.”

You could have heard a pin drop in the silence that enveloped the room after that. Tony thought that Stephen was scared about... himself?

And god, it made a terrifying amount of sense. Was this why?

“Tony, you moron,” he managed, lower lip shaking slightly. Tony seemed like he wanted to protest but then his eyes widened at how shaky the doctor was. “I did not leave you because I was scared for my life. I left because I couldn’t stand there and watch you  _ lose yours _ !”

“What?”

“You. You, Tony, are the most...! Tony, I was in love with you! And in the span of one week, Vanko nearly killed you, you were dying of palladium poisoning, you had a bunch of SHIELD agents in our home who was threatening to  _ tase  _ you and then Vanko was trying to get Rhodey to kill you and tried to kill you himself once again!” He was shouting, he could tell. But he couldn’t find it in himself to care. “You kept going out and coming home terribly battered, and how could you do that to me? I loved you, Tony, and I kept getting scared that at one point you would return to me in a casket! Everytime I opened the door and someone who wasn’t you was standing there I died a little inside. I was  _ scared  _ for you! And then I said I’d leave and you didn’t even- You just-”

“I loved you too!” now Tony was back on his feet, eyes incensed. “Stephen,  _ you  _ were the most important person in my life and I thought that you were scared for your life. I saw what Vanko did to me, and I saw what he did to Rhodey. I thought you were worried he - or someone - would come after you next. I just-”

“You thought wrong,” managed the doctor, forcing himself to calm down. “You thought wrong. I love you.”  _ Loved.  _ Crap.

Thankfully Tony didn’t seem to notice the misstep, as he put his arms around Stephen.

“I don’t think I ever got over you, Doc,” he said and oh.

Maybe he did hear him just fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **tony, a bitchy single dad:** *ranting about men*
> 
>  **vision and peter, used to their bitchy single dad:** *politely nod and clap*
> 
>  **nebula, new at humanity and intrigued by this lecture:** *taking notes and preparing her swords*
> 
>  **loki, unsure as to how and why stark adopted him:** *only hears _stab thor_ on repeat*
> 
>  **FRIDAY, used to tony but also terrifyingly efficient:** *takes over a satellite and aims perfectly to a window in wakanda*
> 
>  **steve rogers and bucky barnes, tall men with blue eyes:** *shiver, suddenly feeling hunted*
> 
>  **thor, a tall man with blond hair and one blue eye:** *'loki-is-gonna-stab-me senses' start tingling*
> 
>  **stephen, a tall man with blue eyes who is IN LOVE WITH tony:** *texts tony back*
> 
>  **rhodey, lowering the gun he had aimed at stephen:** you're safe... for now.


	9. here comes the bitchass ex husband

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **team cap:** hi  
>  **team titan:** we've officially had tony for about a month and if anything ever happens to him, even a scratch, we'll kill you  
>  **team cap, who know the meme:** and then yourselves?  
>  **team titan aka carol, stephen, loki, quill, nebula and the guardians, all of whom DON'T know the meme:** no, we'll kill you, bring you back with the timestone and then kill you again  
>  **team cap, sweating:** I'm starting to feel unsafe in this house

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **nebula, mantis and** **loki** : hey, tony, do you mind if we spar outside?  
>  **tony, making them and vision and peter lunch:** lol sure, im not your dad  
>  **nebula, mantis and loki:** cool *run out*  
>  **tony, running out after them:**  
>  _NOT IN THE STREET_

“Knock knock,” called out Tony, tapping his knuckles against the frame of the door.

Vision looked up from where he was sitting on the floor, putting down the book in his hands and smiling. “Hello, father.”

Despite the conversation he wanted to start, Tony found himself smiling. Vision had always alternated between calling him ‘Tony’ and calling him ‘father’ but lately he had been going for the second more often than not, and it made something in Tony’s heart flutter happily.

“How are you doing?” he asked, sitting on the computer chair in the room and turning around to face him.

“I’m quite well, thank you. The therapist is helping.” Vision didn’t move from his spot on the floor, tilting his head to the side. “You want to talk to me about something.”

Damn him for his perceptiveness. He clearly got it from Tony. “Yeah. So... the Rogues are coming back today.”

For the past two weeks Tony had left everything to do with the Rogues to Rhodey, the de facto leader of the Avengers now. He had helped a bit in the admin department but for the most part he had fully ignored everything to do with that topic.

And today was the day they would be officially coming back to the Compound.

The android nodded slowly. “Yes, I’ve... heard.”

Tony frowned. “You heard? From who?” _Tony_ himself had not known what was happening until the other day, when Rhodey had told him that they needed one less room than planned.

“Mantis,” answered Vision, shrugging slightly. “She said she heard it from Nebula who heard it from Loki who heard it from Thor who heard it from Peter who heard it from Rhodey who,” he paused, frowning. “I am not sure where _he_ heard it from.”

The ‘Avengers’ and ‘Guardians of the Galaxy’ ladies and gentleman. A bunch of gossips, all of them. 

The older man shrugged, trying to look normal. “And how do you feel?”

Vision blinked. “I am not quite sure. I find that I will... miss her, but considering our less than amicable break up-”

Woah woah woah. “Back it up a little, buddy. Break-up?”

The other nodded solemnly. “Yes. A few hours after you brought me here and grounded me, Wanda attempted to make contact with me, instructing me to leave with her. When I told her of my predicament, she was unhappy and threw many accusations and angry remarks towards you, as well as imagined slights from you against the both of us.” _What’s new?_ wanted to ask Tony, but he remained quiet. “I found myself... unhappy with those remarks, and reminded her of her own actions during the so called ‘Civil War’. At this, she grew cross with me, despite being the one who hurt me, and refused to offer an apology. I spoke at large with Mantis to make sense of what I was feeling, and then Nebula and Loki advised me to end the relationship and offered to end _her_ too if I wished so.”

He said it so easily, like Tony had not attempted the same thing for _years_ now - though not as blatantly - and failed. But was Tony even really mad? It didn’t matter in the end.

Wanda and Vision were no more. They were finally _over._ The witch who wanted him dead would _not_ wind up being his daughter in law.

Tony kept his expression carefully blank. “I know first love hurts when it ends,” he said, not even grimacing at his own words, honestly he was so proud of himself for his restraint, “But for all that it matters, I am happy that you managed to finally put yourself first.” _Pot meet kettle_ , said a voice in his head that sounded eerily like Pepper’s. Tony ignored it. “And I’m happy you’re making friends.”

Vision smiled too, the smile coming more naturally than it did at the beginning. “They are not just my friends, they are now my siblings,” he informed him, frowning a little. “Except Loki. He does not call you ‘dad’.”

“That’s ni-” Pause the train. “What do you mean _he_ does not call me ‘dad’? Who calls me ‘dad’?!”

There was a sudden hint of panic in the android’s eyes. “Oh. I believe this was not something I was supposed to tell you about.”

Tony glanced at one of FRIDAY’s cameras. “Babygirl. Who is calling me ‘dad’?!”

There was an uncharacteristic pause from the AI. Then, “ _Would you like a list_?”

What the fuck. “There’s a list?” _What the fuck_! “Uh, yes?!”

“ _Well, Vision calls you ‘father’. Then I do, on occasion, call you ‘dad’ when I’m talking to him,_ ” she sounded a little sheepish. “ _Nebula calls you ‘father’ too. Peter calls you ‘dad’. Mantis has been calling you ‘mom’ but I am not sure how much is her and how much is Drax’s influence. Loki has, very sarcastically, referred to you as ‘our daddy dearest’ when speaking about you with the rest. And Quill-_ ”

“Quill?!” he screeched, which FRIDAY ignored.

“ _Quill refers to you as ‘MILF’_.”

That calmed him down slightly. How the fuck was the space cowboy calling him ‘milf’ the most calming aspect of this entire thing?!

“So I’ve now been adopted by a bunch of space youngsters with no good parenting figure and... a Loki?”

Vision nodded sagely, still looking at him like he was worried Tony would freak out suddenly. And perhaps, a year, even a few months ago, he might have. At this point in his life, after collecting six semi sentient stones from a purple giant who wanted to stick them in his glove and snap his fingers to end existence, his mind just went... 'Might as well'.

And in their defence, Tony had been parenting the _fuck_ out of them. They were always with Peter and Vision, so what was Tony supposed to do but check in on them in the same way he checked in on Peter and Vision? It would be rude to go tell Vision to help in the kitchen and not tell, say, Mantis to do the same. And it would be rude to bring extra cake for Peter and not hand a slice to Loki as well. And it would be very rude to check on FRIDAY’s code and her circuits and not offer the same courtesy to Nebula. It was _not_ Tony’s fault, but he couldn’t claim it was theirs either.

He shook his head. “Anyway, I’ll just ignore that entire thing for now. Back to the wi- back to Maximoff. She’ll be studying in one of Stephen’s sanctums for the foreseeable future, and while she has access to the wi-fi, I doubt she’ll be able to contact you until she knows as much as possible about her powers. So it might be more than a year until you see her again.”

The android let out a deep sigh, and shook his head. “I understand. I think I will be... I will be alright.”

Tony stood back up, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Good. If you want to see Rogers & CO, they’ll arrive in a couple of hours.” He pressed a kiss on his forehead. “I’ll see you later.”

Vision hummed in answer and Tony kept a sympathetic expression on his face until the door was properly closed behind him.

Then, “Yes! Ding dong the witch is _gone_ , gone gone gone gone!” he sang, doing a little celebratory dance. “Ding dong, the witch is gon-”

“I can still hear you!”

Tony stilled, even though Vision hadn’t even opened the door or walked out. “Sorry!”

Then, quieter, as he walked away. “Ding dong, the witch is gone, ding dang, ding dong...”

+++

Stephen stepped out of his portal just as the SHIELD issued quinjet landed on the Compound landing dock, and Tony let out a breath he hadn’t been aware he was holding.

It’s not like he had doubted Stephen would come. But still, he had been nervous.

Neither of them had really spoken about anything regarding their relationship in the past two weeks. Stephen had found himself busy with wizard affairs and Tony had been busy dealing with New Asgard, SI and admin bullshit regarding the Avengers and the Accords.

There had been plenty more kisses and make-out sessions, and much more cuddling, but they hadn’t properly had sex again - and not for lack of Tony trying. There hadn’t been talks of ‘feelings’ either, even with Stephen dropping the bomb that he was still in love with Tony for some reason.

Tony had not said it back. 

Even though there was _something_ in his chest that could probably and possibly be considered as the ‘l’ word, Tony didn’t want to address it until he had addressed the big blond problem that was now exiting the quinjet, and Stephen seemed to understand that even if neither said it out loud.

Steve was the first to step out, still sporting his divorce beard, though now better groomed and washed. His eyes immediately found Tony’s - even with Tony half hidden behind Rhodey and Carol - a warm smile forming on his face as the rest of his team, minus the red witch, stepped out.

“Tony,” he said, fully ignoring the two people in front of the brunet. “Hi.”

Tony did not reply, very happy that his body did not feel the need to fuss around his dirtied face and uniform in the way he had with Stephen on Titan. His heart did start beating faster at seeing him, but not out of any happiness. And his palms were tingling slightly, like they wanted to repulsor blast him or slap him in the face.

Rhodey stood straighter, eyeing the unofficially named Team Cap. “Rogers. Wilson. Romanoff. Barnes. As leaders of the Avengers, Major Danvers and I would like to... welcome you back to the United States.”

Rogers went from staring at Tony to frowning at Rhodey, but it was Romanoff who spoke. “Leaders of the Avengers?”

Carol, now noticed Tony, could be very intimidating when she wasn’t smiling. Her eyes were very cold when she answered with “Yes.”

Romanoff was now sporting her smile #4 ‘ _Fake Camaraderie to help with Manipulation_ ’. “I’m surprised Tony didn’t want the title.”

The Major did not smile back. “You are surprised by that? I suppose you don’t know _Dr Stark_ very well then.”

The smile immediately vanished from the Black Widow’s face and oh, Tony was going to buy Carol anything she ever wanted ever.

Rogers stood a little straighter, his smile strained. “We do know, Tony. I am Steve Rogers, his husband-”

“ _Ex_ husband,” said both Tony and Stephen at the same time, both glaring in tandem at the soldier.

The pinched expression was back. “Tony-”

“Don’t ‘Tony’ me,” said Tony, walking forward, and standing between Carol and Rhodey. “We are divorced. _You_ are not my husband anymore and everyone knows that. _You_ know that.”

Steve looked upset. “I didn’t sign anything. Tony, I don’t- I still wear the ring, I still lo-”

“You were a wanted criminal,” broke in the other man before Steve could actually finish that word. “The judges granted me a divorce in absentia, which means we are not together anymore.”

“Ton-”

“Goddammit, Steve! We are _over_ please for the love of everything that’s holy get that in your skull!” The super soldier looked like he was about to cry but Tony did not care. “I don’t _trust_ you. I certainly don’t love you. I don’t even _like_ you anymore. The only reason I am letting you in the Compound, the _only_ reason I’m letting you anywhere near me is that your pardon is conditional to your work as Avengers. And with Thor being King and the Guardians not bound to Earth in any way, we are shorter on manpower. It has nothing to do with me liking or needing you and everything to do with practicality. That’s it. So do not misunderstand me. You are useful to us and to the world right now, but you are _not_ indispensable. You are more trouble than it’s worth and I _will_ kick your collective asses out. This is still _my_ Compound, and if you push me, if you _try_ me, you will get kicked out. So go ahead, _Rogers,_ ” He narrowed his eyes and pulled off his sunglasses. “Try me. I _dare_ you.”

Steve maintained eye contact with Tony for an unsurprising five seconds before looking down at his feet. And that felt good. Tony was a vengeful little shit and that felt _really really_ good.

“Oh god, your ex is hot,” came a voice, and Tony went from satisfied to baffled as he looked up to a slightly flustered Winter Soldier. Who looked a little less wintery than usual, actually, and much more mortified when he met Tony's eyes. “I spoke out loud, didn’t I.”

“You did,” said Tony, letting out a snort, and inclining his head. “Thank you, home wrecker.”

Barnes winced. “Yeah, I deserve that.”

Will you look at that. Perhaps Tony _could_ befriend at least one of the Rogues.

* * *

“You hm, are ah ha, terrible _terrible_ , influ- fuck- influence,” managed Tony, letting a strangled moan.

“Mh hm,” was all Stephen said, his lips attacking Tony’s neck with renewed force. He let blunt teeth nip at his throat, smiling at the breathy sound Tony let out.

“Stephanie ah, don’t-”

The other just pressed his tongue flat on the part of his neck he had just bitten, before finally stepping back, immensely satisfied with his own handiwork.

Tony’s eyes were much darker than before he had been dragged into that spare room in the Compound, and his mouth was delightfully pink kissed. Two very visible hickeys remained on his neck, and there was a beautiful flush on his cheeks.

“What?” asked Tony, still a little breathless, but noticing Stephen’s pleased expression. 

Stephen just smiled wider, pressing a kiss on Tony’s rosy cheeks. “Nothing. You look good.”

“I look debauched,” snarked back Tony, pulling out his Starkphone from his pocket and checking his reflection. “Seriously, Stephanie. You are a terrible terrible man. We are late, Rhodey will kill us. You are a _bad_ influence on me.”

“So you keep saying,” agreed Stephen, pulling out his sling ring from his pocket. “But you know what, Tony?”

The brunet put away his phone, looking up curiously. “What?”

Stephen’s grin grew. “No one will ever believe you,” he told him, a step away from cackling loudly as he stepped through the portal.

“You’re a dick,” muttered Tony following him through, but there was a hint of a smile on his face and he still looked very well kissed. “Also don’t think I don’t know _exactly_ what you’re doing.”

Stephen gave him his most innocent look, but Tony didn’t even pretend to believe him, walking into the room.

And okay, perhaps, there was a reason why Stephen had grabbed Tony as he was walking towards the conference room and proceeded to kiss the breath away from him.

Perhaps, it had something to do with the blond man who had looked up at them when they walked through the portal. And perhaps it had to do with the way his expression grew a lot more pinched when he saw Stephen’s smug expression and Tony’s blush and clearly displayed hickeys. Just maybe.

Tony had no proof though.

“Strange, Tones,” said Rhodey, rolling his eyes slightly. “Glad to see you could find it in your busy schedules to join us.”

“Just for you, sugarbun,” told him Tony, sending a wink in his direction. 

“Hey sexy,” greeted Quill as Tony sat behind him, turning around with a smile, and a coffee cup in his hands. “Coffee?”

Stephen did not like Quill much, but at this point, his flirting was less jealousy inducing and just mostly annoying. Even Gamora seemed desensitized with her boyfriend hitting on Tony, though she always made eye contact with Stephen to exchange a ‘ _he’s such an idiot_ ’ whenever the man started flirting with Tony again.

“Sure, thank-”

“Can you leave Tony alone?” snapped Rogers, clenching and unclenching his fists on the table. He had not become desensitized as of yet, and seemed to hate Quill just as much as he hated Stephen. It both made him happy (since the hatred just gave Stephen more strength) and annoyed him (why would he compare Stephen to _Quill_? Of all people!).

Tony immediately glared at him. “I didn’t ask for your-”

“Hush, sexy,” said Quill, a dangerous smirk on his face as he put the coffee cup down in front of Tony without looking away from Rogers. “So you’re Tony’s bitch ex husband who lied to him. Gotta say, for being the famous Captain America, you really are not that much,” He tutted, turning his eyes away from a spluttering Steve to make eye contact with Stephen. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m starting to think that the boyfriend might actually be cool, if this is what we’re working with. I mean, he has a cool cape and can do more than punch really hard. Even Drax can punch really hard.”

“That’s true,” agreed the alien, who Stephen had not even seen. “I can punch really hard.”

The Captain’s eyes were not on Drax, though. They were staring with horror between Tony and Stephen. “B-Boyfriend?”

They had not actually spoken about this yet. Sure Stephen had told Tony he was in love with him, and Tony had, _technically_ , said that he had not gotten over him. However, there was a difference between what he said and him meaning he still wanted to date Stephen, or even wanted to put a label on it.

Sure there had been _plenty_ make-out sessions, and Tony did not seem to mind Stephen leaving a trail of hickeys on his neck whenever and wherever. They spoke on the phone and in real life more often than not, and Peter, Vision and, for some reason, Nebula, Loki and FRIDAY, had given him a very terrifying shovel talk. It made what Rhodey threatened him with look like child play.

So there was all that, sure. But they hadn’t sat down and discussed it, they hadn’t decided on what to do. Stephen had not even managed to ask him out, let alone sleep with him again.

If it was up to him, he’d say yes. He wanted Tony to be his boyfriend - how juvenile - his paramour, his partner. He _loved_ Tony.

But it was up to Tony, what he wanted to do. He knew Stephen’s feelings, it was his that were probably troubling him still.

“Yes,” said Tony, and Stephen turned his eyes on him, hoping that his expression did not look too hopeful or shocked. Tony was looking right back at him, the coffee in his hands and a small smile on his face. His expression was easy and open, and his eyes shone with happiness and fondness. Stephen's breathing stuttered in his throat at the genuine happiness and beauty on Tony's face. “Boyfriend.” 

Roger’s voice broke through their eye-loving (cause it was way too tender to be eye-fucking). “I didn- you... I thought-”

“Well, you thought wrong,” drawled Quill, crossing his arms around his chest. “His boyfriend does not mind me flirting with him,”

“Well actually-”

“... so you have no business puffing your chest out and trying to intimidate me into doing what you want,” finished the space bandit like Stephen hadn’t interrupted him. Then his eyes went harder for a second. “Consider this a warning, _Captain_. Stay away from Stark.”

Uh. Stephen had never stopped to think about the fact that Peter Quill was _raised_ a space pirate. And despite his happy-to-go attitude, him being still alive meant _something_.

“If you’re all done trying to piss on Tony to mark your territory,” said Rhodey, voice bored but eyes sharp as they stared into Rogers’ head like they wanted to telekinetically make it burst into flames, “Can the meeting to reinstate the Rogues Avengers start?”

Rogers broke out of the uncomfortable eye contact with Quill, expression both mulish and resigned, and Stephen tried to hide his utter delight at that as he sat down next to Tony, the shorter man pressing a kiss on his cheek and leaning more comfortably against his shoulder.

Quill turned around with a grin on his face. “Do I get a prize for protecting the honour of your wife?”

Stephen nodded. “Sure,” he said, ignoring Tony’s indignant complaint next to him. “I will stop my plan of murdering you for your continue flirting.”

Quill tilted his head, considering. “I’ll take it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **steve rogers, lovelorn idiot:** tony, I missed you  
>  **peter quill:**
> 
> [](https://imgflip.com/i/4q7csh)  
> 
> 
> **men who like tony:**   
>  **rhodey:**   
>  [ ](https://imgflip.com/i/4q9svi)


	10. steve vs stephen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **stephen strange:** no fear  
>  **loki, vision, nebula, peter and harley:** exist  
>  **stephen strange:** one fear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what to do when your ex boyfriend approaches:  
> 1\. die  
> 2\. disappear yourself  
> 3\. change your identity and leave the state  
> 4\. kill him  
> 5\. fake an heart attack and get your wizard boyfriend to save you

The thing about having the Rogues back in the Compound was that Tony was _not used to it anymore_. 

It’s like when someone gifts you with a new piece of furniture that you just are not quite sure what to do with it or where exactly to put it. You just keep forgetting it exists until you are stumbling in the kitchen at ass o’clock in the morning and it’s just... there. In the middle of the kitchen. Eating food at your table, in your compound.

Okay the metaphor was running from him a little.

Point is, after two years of it only himself, Rhodey and Vision living in the Compound - because it was the place Vision was more comfortable with - having Steve, Natasha and the others just appear in his life again is a little weird.

He'd successfully ignore them walking around the building and then he walked into the kitchen and was sucker punched by finding Romanoff and Wilson sitting next to one another with a stack of fresh made pancakes between the two of them.

The moment he stepped in - still in pyjamas because it was _his_ Compound, damn it - their jolly humour seemed to leave them, and their stares turned to him.

Sam looked at him both suspiciously and guiltily, while Natasha immediately smiled her _smile #13 I am not at all a dangerous assassin, why I’m just a simple girl_ at him, straightening up. “Hey, Tony.”

“Romanoff,” he managed, considering for a moment if coffee was really that important to him or if he could just rush back to the East Wing and see if Stephen wanted to go out for breakfast with him. “Wilson.”

“Stark,” greeted back the airman, awkwardly poking at his pancakes. “Good morning.”

“Hm,” said Tony, before shrugging and heading towards the coffee machine and hoping that this was it, and neither of them would feel the need to fill the need with incessant talking.

Fat chance.

“I never thanked you,” said the spy, eyes on the back of his head. Tony didn’t turn to face her, but that didn’t stop her from continuing. “For what you did for Clint. Getting him back to his family-”

“I didn’t do it for you or for him,” immediately stopped her Tony, pulling out his favourite mug from the shelf without once turning around. 

Once upon a time, he and Barton had been friends. Good friends, even - never as close as he and Rhodey or the rest of the 'Ironfam' (Peter’s denomination, not Tony’s), but still good friends.

They had similar sense of humour, even though sometimes Clint’s was much darker than Tony’s own brand. His mocking could skate very close to cruel at times, but he was generally a cool guy to be around.

And then the Civil Unrest came and Tony’s patience or liking for the man took a good hit. He could have forgiven him taking a stand against Tony and his team - after all Clint was the _only_ one on Team Cap who _had_ pulled his punches. The fight in Germany was a shit-show from start to finish but Tony could have forgiven him for that, could have forgiven all of them for it if he had wanted.

What he couldn’t forgive was him enabling Wanda’s attack on Vision and then not even bothering to check on whether Vision was okay and alive before fleeing the facility. Clint knew shit about AIs and Androids, for all he knew they could have just _killed_ Vision and he had not even felt the need to turn around and check if he was alive.

What he couldn’t forgive was Clint’s rabid attack on Tony at the RAFT, blaming Tony for _Clint’s_ own choice of leaving his family and that comment on Rhodey. That jib at Rhodey Tony would _never_ forgive.

So him securing Clint - and Lang’s - pardon had fuck shit to do with them, and everything to do with the families they had foolishly left behind. For Cassie Lang and Cooper, Lila and Nathaniel Barton. Which is what he had pointedly indicated by refusing any call, letter or e-mail the ex SHIELD assassin kept trying to send him for over a year after the Avengers Divorce.

“I know,” said Natasha, and her voice had that odd cadence to it that came when her feelings somehow managed to come through her carefully composed voice. “He said you never let him say thanks.”

“Uh-uh,” agreed Tony and seriously, how long did a normal cup of coffee take to be made? Tony was pretty sure nothing in his entire life had ever taken that long before.

“Tony, will you ever let us apologise?” she finally asked, frustration creeping in her tone. “We want to move past this. Don’t you?”

Meaning: “please Tony let’s ignore everything that happened in the past two years and go back to our friendship that came from us lying to you and choosing any random Jake or Sam over you, and belittling you, and taking you for granted. That was so fun. Wasn’t that fun for you?”

“Not particularly, no,” he said, the coffee machine finally beeping. “Oh thank god, come to daddy,” he added, pouring the burning liquid in his favourite mug. Now all he needed was to ignore the two and leave the kitchen -

“Tony?” 

_Oh for the love of_ _Science_ , cursed the genius in his mind, refusing to turn around. 

This was what happened when Tony decided to wake up early. Fuck Stephen and all doctors, waking up early was clearly _bad_ for his health, and everyone else was wrong.

“Tony?” called Steve again, because Tony had forgotten than the Rogues were back and doing the same things they used to do before they went Rogue, which included waking up at the crack of dawn for Steve and going out running before coming to have breakfast. “Tony, please I wanted to apologi-”

“Wait,” said Tony, turning around with a weird expression on his face. 

And there they were, the jogging super soldiers. Rogers looking at Tony with an earnest expression while Barnes was doing a bad job at pretending he wasn’t blatantly checking Tony out.

Tony ignored him, putting a hand on his chest. “Fuck. I think I’m having a heart attack.”

Natasha rolled her eyes, while Sam looked at him with great displeasure and Barnes’ lips twitched like he was holding back a grin. Steve’s eyes however grew larger than before. “Oh god, Tony! Do you want me to call anyone? The hospital?”

“Stephen,” he gasped, leaning down on the ground with the mug in one hand and the other still on his chest. “He’s a doctor.”

“I’ll get Bruce immediately,” said Steve, nodding. “FRIDAY, call Bruce-”

“- call Stephen -”

“Tell _Bruce_ that Tony is not feeling well,” continued the blond. “He’s getting another heart attack-”

“Seriously, Steve,” huffed Sam, glaring at Tony. “No one has this many heart attacks and then is completely okay the next day. This is Stark’s what? 15th heart attack in like less than a month? And they all happen when you approach him?”

“I am fragile and have a heart condition,” informed him the brunet, sniffing a little and then affecting an even more pained expression. “Ouch. It hurts.”

“Tony do you need me to carry you to him?” said Steve, eyes full of fear and ignoring the expressions from his team. “Perhaps it will be easier-”

“You’ll just worsen the situation,” said another voice and Tony had a front row view of the way Steve’s expression turned from pathetic to annoyed in a split second at hearing it. Stephen’s expression was completely blank as he stopped beside Tony and the Cloak disentangled from him. “Your heart again?”

“Yes,” said Tony, making sure his coffee didn’t spill when the Cloak lifted him up. It was still a little weird, but it made Tony feel spoiled and taken care of, which was super nice. “Take me away, Doctor?”

“Bruce could help you better, Ton-” started Steve, but his voice was cut off by the sound of Stephen’s portal coming to life louder than it was supposed to, engulfing and transporting both Tony and Stephen away from the kitchen.

Right into the Common Room of the East Wing were the majority of Tony’s peeps were already chilling.

Rhodey raised an eyebrow as Tony was deposited next to him by the Cloak of Levitation. “You faked another heart attack to avoid Rogers and Stephen saved you?”

“Yup,” said the inventor, not an ounce of regret on his face.

“One of this days something will really happen and you might not be believed,” pointed out Bruce, but his mouth was twitching slightly in a smile. Because Bruce was as much of a troll as Tony was, despite what the majority of people seemed to believe.

Tony scoffed. “As if. I have doctor buddies and AIs all over me at any time, they’d know I have a real heart attack before even _I_ know.”

“ _True that, Dad_ ,” chirped FRIDAY, and Tony smiled a little despite himself.

Ever since his discovery of Vision’s friendship club and the fact that he did _nothing_ to stop them from calling him that, FRIDAY had decided that the name Boss didn’t work any longer and would only refer to him as dad.

He actually sort of missed Quill and the Guardians now. They had left a week ago, because their world was the entire Galaxy, and while Nebula had stayed, Mantis had chosen to leave with them. Tony wasn’t quite sure _what_ was going between Mantis, Nebula and Vision, but the two android-adjacent had been very unhappy with her leaving.

Plus, Barnes’ stares were not as much of an ego booster as Quill’s continued flirting.

“How stupid can one man be, I have to wonder,” said Loki, settling next to Tony with his own mug and grinning unabashedly when Stephen glared at him. “Does he not realise that the chances of someone surviving 15 near consecutive heart attacks is highly improbable?”

Tony shrugged. “I did not get with that man because of his brain. He might come to a conclusion at one point, but not the real one by a long shot. Don’t worry about it.” 

+++

The meditation room was one of the rooms in the training area that Tony had reserved for Bruce Banner before the whole Ultron debacle. It was somewhere Bruce - not the Hulk - could go to unwind as it was an area where no shouting or arguing was allowed to take place.

It was mostly used by Banner himself, but Stephen and Loki found themselves inside it often, finding the quiet place with yoga mats and freshly brewed tea a perfect place for their own meditation.

Surprisingly for everyone, _Tony_ had taken to frequenting the place too. He would never be completely quiet, but he often turned up and joined Bruce in yoga exercises. He never did as well as Bruce did, but still he was shockingly - for everyone but Stephen and _ugh_ Rogers - flexible. Which was what he was doing now, classical music playing inside the room as he practiced a couple of yoga poses with Bruce, in a pair of leggings that left very little to the imagination.

Normally, Stephen would gladly be inside the room too, pretending to meditate while he actually ogled the genius, but today he was other ways occupied, sitting on the bench outside the room, busy arguing with the most infuriating man in the Compound: the resident god of mischief.

“It’s not a fair comparison,” was complaining Stephen, glaring at the other sorcerer. “You have been alive for over a millennia. Of course I don’t know as much as you do! If I had, I would be able to sky walk as well.”

“Right,” drawled the dark haired mage, expression mocking. “Your order is almost as old as I am and yet even they have decided to rely on their rings this whole time.” He flicked his hair out of his face. “Admit it, Strange. I am the superior sorcerer between you and me.”

Unfortunately for Loki, Stephen could be _very_ stubborn. “How many magic tutors did you have? How many worlds did you travel and learn from?”

“How many Dimensions did you gather books from?” counterargued the prince, smirking once more when Stephen looked like he had bitten into a particularly sour lemon. 

“Still, if I had-” he started, then stopped when he saw Rogers and Barnes appear, the blond with a self righteous glare on his face and Barnes looking like he wanted to both stop his best buddy and also get popcorn and watch.

Neither Stephen or Loki stood up when they came to a stop a few feet away from them. “Doctor Strange.”

“Rogers,” answered Stephen, trying not to smirk at the way the ‘Captain’s’ jaw worked at that dismissal of his ranking.

“Barnes,” purred Loki, grinning at the other soldier.

Barnes looked at the trickster warily, “Loki,” which, if possible, made Loki’s grin turn downright predatory. It made Stephen suspicious.

“I know what you’re doing,” said Rogers and Stephen turned to look at the blond once more.

“Talking to Loki?” he asked, quirking an eyebrow. “Wow, your observation skills know no bounds.”

“I know what you’re doing to Tony,” clarified the soldier, crossing his arms around his dorito chest.

“Fucking him?” politely asked Stephen, expression innocent even as Loki snorted next to him.

Rogers turned an interesting shade of red and Stephen idly wondered if it was because he was a prude or if it was the thought of his ex with someone else. “You think you’re so- It doesn’t matter. I know what you did to him. You were jealous of me coming back here and of the fact that me and Tony would eventually get together again, so you cast a curse on him so that he keeps getting heart attacks whenever he is around me.”

It was such a stupid statement that Stephen had to actually pause and take it all in. Loki at his side was just as impressed by Roger’s utter idiocy, as he turned to Barnes. “Is he serious?”

Even his brain scrambled bff looked in physical pain at Roger’s explanation. “Unfortunately.”

Rogers glared at him, before puffing himself even more. “Are you denying it? It’s clearly the only possible solution-”

“You are the most delusional and completely unaware human being I have ever had the displeasure of meeting,” managed Stephen, shaking his head slightly. “Like... My mind is blown at the evidence that such stupidity exists. II swear when you talk you lower the IQ of the entire Compound. I thought _Quill_ was bad, but Mr Rogers you blow him out of the park.”

Rogers, who had grown more and more red as the insults continued, glared. “You are just jealous and hurting Tony to prove to-”

“Okay, first of all, imply that I’d _ever_ hurt Tony, and I will end your bloodline, Hippocratic oath or not,” very candidly informed him, the doctor, feeling himself growing more than a little annoyed. “Second, _who_ would I be jealous of? There are only three people in this Compound that I seriously think Tony might run away with: one is Banner, who is thankfully straight and has a very platonic relationship with Tony; another one is Rhodes, who _could_ be bi, but is thankfully dating Carol and seems happy enough with me dating Tony; and the last one is Thor, and Thor and Loki both think that Tony acts too much like their mom for it to ever be a problem.” Loki sent him a glare even though his cheeks were a little red. “So _who_ would I be jealous of?”

Rogers was smart enough to see it for the insult it was, but not smart to _not_ take the bait. “Tony and I were married. You were just his boyfriend and you broke up.”

“ _You_ tried to kill your supposed husband in Siberia,” he reminded him, and Barnes looked down at his feet with a grimace. “I’m sorry, I don’t see how I would have to worry about Tony choosing you over me.”

“Our love story-”

“Oh please!” scoffed the sorcerer. “He hates your guts Rogers. His _kids_ hate your guts. Even if Tony chose to somehow forgive you, do you think Vision or Spider Man or Nebula or FRIDAY would ever let you anywhere near him? Don’t be stupid.”

Rogers frowned. “They are not really his kids,” he pointed out, just to be slapped in the back of the head. “Ow! Buck, what the hell!”

His best friend levelled him with a glare. “Don’t be an idiot, punk. Even _I_ know that they consider him their father and he considers them his kids.”

“No, let him go on,” said a voice so cold that made them all freeze and turn.

Tony was standing in the doorway of the meditation room, eyes narrowed at Rogers. “Go on, Rogers. Tell me more about how my kids aren’t really my kids. I’m listening.”

If nothing, Rogers was self aware enough to understand when he fucked up. “Tony, it’s not like- I. It’s not what I meant I-” He shook his head. “Strange has been cursing you to make you feel like you’re having heart attacks every time you come close to me!”

Tony’s stare turned from killer to blank. He blinked at the super soldier and turned to Stephen and Loki. “Did I hear him right?”

The blond, probably thinking he won, nodded, while Loki snorted. “Yup.”

Tony turned to Rogers again. “Wow. You really are a complete and utter _dumbass,_ ” he said, and the soldier’s smile dimmed. “Like, not even a himbo, cause they have hearts of gold. You’re just an idiot. You're not a clown, you're the entire circus.”

“Ton-”

“Steve, for fuck’s sake, I was faking!” groaned the genius, closing the door behind himself so their argument wouldn’t upset Bruce. “I was pretending to have heart attacks because I don’t want to talk to you.”

The man looked like the definition of a kicked puppy, all big blue eyes almost filled with tears. “But Tony, I wanted to apologise. I wanted us to-”

“Us, me, I- _please_ ,” mocked the brunet, glare sharpening again. “Rogers. Steve. Grant. There _is no us_. ‘Us’ is gone. Me and you, we are done. End. Finito. Capiche?”

“Tony, how can you walk away from this so easily?”

“It’s been two fucking years, Rogers. What did you expect me to do? Lay down on my bed at night and cry myself to sleep because you weren’t laying next to me?” from the look in Rogers' eyes yes, that was what he expected. Tony scoffed. “You broke my mechanical and real heart in a frozen Siberia bunker and I left it there. I left my ring there, cause that’s where our relationship died.”

“To-”

“I’m an inventor, an engineer. When something breaks I either fix it or throw it away. So I fixed my heart and threw away our relationship and focused on the Avengers, on Vision and Peter and my company and _my life_.” He gave a sigh, passing a hand on his face. “I don’t owe you an explanation, but this is it. Steve there is no us anymore, there will never be an us _again_. Plus,” and now he looked up a little smile on his face, his eyes meeting Stephen’s. “I’m in love with -”

“Don’t.” Said Steve, voice wet, and honestly, Stephen wanted to hit him. Tony was about to say something important at a dramatically charged moment that could hurt his patriotic heart further and he wasn’t even letting Stephen enjoy this petty meal. “Please.”

Tony’s expression turned a little sympathetic, voice gentle. “I don’t think you are at a place where we can be friends and god knows I am not either. Every time I see you my flight or fight instincts are activated and more than once I nearly strangled you because I saw you walking on one of the Compound cameras,” and the fact that he was saying all this in that soft tone was seriously creepy. “I don’t trust you. I actually kind of hate you. The best thing we can do is stay away from each other and-”

“No,” said the Captain and then he surged forward.

It took Stephen a full second to figure out what he was seeing. And then he incandescent with rage.

Tony pushed him away from his lips immediately, the sympathetic edge gone from his face as his watch turned into a gauntlet and he slapped Steve with 10x the strength he had slapped Stephen with. “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?”

Steve’s expression was burning even if he vacillated under the strength of the slap. “I know you felt it too, didn’t you? We stil-AHH”, he screamed the last bit, the ground opening up under him and eating him.

Barnes jumped at the sight of his best friend being swallowed away by a portal, and raised both hands in the air in surrender, but Stephen was not paying him any attention, instead striding to a very angry and annoyed Tony, who was still pointing his gauntlet at the spot Steve had disappeared through.

“Are you okay?” he asked, cupping his face in his hands.

Tony pulled his eyes to Stephen’s. “I feel like I might throw up, and he really managed to get worse at kissing but yeah. Gah, I need some mouthwash and to wash my face, god knows where that beard has been. Next time I see him I’m not fleeing, I’m straight up shooting him.”

“Good,” growled Stephen, not kissing his lips for fear of getting infected with dumbass syndrome by touching where the Captain’s lips had touched. “If I see him again-”

“Hey,” said Tony, putting the hand without gauntlet on his cheek. Stephen’s eyes found his and Tony’s crinkled in a smile. “I love you.”

Any hint of anger simply left Stephen’s body, and an undignified and goofy looking (according to Loki’s later report) smile appeared on his face. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” said Tony, wiping his mouth with his sleeve before kissing Stephen’s cheek. What a considerate man, not wanting his boyfriend to catch Rogers' cooties. “I’ve been thinking about it this whole time, ever since we got back together. And I just. I cared about Steve, I did. But you... You’re my endgame, Stephen. My one and only.”

Stephen’s smile widened further. “Yeah?”

Tony rolled his eyes. “Duh? I wanted to marry you first, after all.”

“What?” said Stephen, his heart beating impossibly faster. Had he heard that right? Did Tony just imply...?

The genius blinked at him, smile growing a little more guarded. “Well, you know. The ring? The one I hid in your wardrobe? The one you left behind?”

“I left it behind because I never used it! It was basically your wardrobe!”

“What do you mean _my_ wardrobe? Every time I tried to use it you’d basically hiss at me!”

“That didn’t stop you from putting your stuff in there! In the end I gave up and assumed it was yours!”

Tony looked like he wanted to argue again and then stopped. Blinked. “Wait. Are you saying you _didn’t_ know I wanted to marry you back then and I just sprung it on you now?” he asked, cringing and trying to extract himself from Stephen.

The man grabbed him by the waist, keeping him in place. “I don’t care. I have always wanted to marry you too,” he told him, and it was the truth. He had not gotten a ring, because at the time things were very hectic, but Stephen would have gotten down on one knee for Tony at any given time back then. And today too.

The hesitant expression on Tony went a little less hesitant. “Did we just get engaged?”

“Maybe. Pre-engaged,” decided the doctor, smiling once more and pressing a kiss on Tony's forehead. “I want a proper proposal, Mr Stark.”

“Oh, I will knock your socks right off, Dr Strange.”

“ _Does that mean we can start calling you Doctor Dad, as Peter suggested?_ ” asked FRIDAY, and Tony snorted while Stephen’s eyebrows rose to his forehead.

“What?!”

“My kids deserve a proper step-dad,” told him Tony, winking at him and letting go. “They are darlings.”

“Your kids and kids adjacent include a trained assassin who has threatened me for having blue eyes for some reason, and a _Loki_. A Loki...! Tony? Tony!” he called running after his boyfriend. “Tony!”

“Idiot,” said Loki, settling back on the bench with an eye roll. “He thinks I'm the dangerous one. Just wait until he meets Harley Keener.”

Barnes just watched them leave and turned back to Loki who was now engrossed with a Stark Tab.

“Hey... uh, where is Steve?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's the end, folks! I hope you enjoyed my ironstrange fics, I had a lot of fun writing it tbh  
> legends has it that steve rogers has not stopped falling to this day


End file.
